Dissonance and Harmony

I bought a book at the DI a few months ago called "I Didn't Plan to be a Witch: A Guide for Frustrated Mothers Everywhere" by Linda Eyre. It's been in my car ever since for those stuck-waiting-with-nothing-to-do moments, but it's only been opened a couple of times because either I don't wait enough or I always have something to do while I wait.

I got to wait for a bit today, for Jamie and my dad to meet me for a lunch date. Since each chapter is a shortish essay on some aspect of parenting, I glanced through the table of contents, saw one on sibling rivalry, and decided that was the chapter to read. The lesson is good enough to share.

Bach was a genius at putting together chords and establishing new rules to create complex, rich music. Bach used many methods to make his compositions moving and creative, one of which as dissonance. Over and over again, through passing tons and intentional "wrong" notes, he created a brief, uneasy feeling. Most interesting of all was the relief he could make the listener feel through the resolution of the dissonance.

Bach was a master at resolving the dissonance in his music in wonderful ways--sometimes in predictable ways; other times in creative, new ways. A man known for his "well-tempered clavichord," Bach spent a lifetime establishing music as "well-tempered."

So should be our own households. I hope you have a sigh of relief as you realize that dissonance is necessary to contrast with and resolve into harmony. Dissonance actually makes life more interesting. It helps us grow and progress. The important thing is how we resolve the dissonance. If we do it right, a feeling of even more harmony results, whereas the wrong resolution can cause even greater feelings of anxiety.

Think of a recent example of dissonance in your home and decide whether the dissonance was resolved to create harmony or more dissonance.

She shares an example from her home when a daughter wanted to have a friend sleepover, and because of the previous sleepover her answer was a quick "NO." Of course her daughter was upset and complained. Though her answer was final, she had created more dissonance and decided to put herself in her daughter's shoes. Before the daughter left for school, Mrs. Eyre offered a different solution that they were both happy with, which resulted in greater "harmony" between the two of them. She continues:

Dissonance is a part of life. Whether it's only a passing note or a big, out-of-shape chord, we need to expect it, even anticipate it, and sometimes think about resolutions in advance. Other times, we just need to keep working at it until it feels right. Remember: interesting dissonance makes a greater harmony!

I'm sure it's unbelievable (cough cough) to most of you out there, but we do have our fair share of dissonance in our home. It was refreshing that she didn't give some magic trick, saying that it's possible to entirely get rid of dissonance, but instead called it a "part of life." It's even better to know that through dissonance, the harmony can be even more refreshing and beautiful.

Something to think about! It's got my mind back on those great conductors, evaluating again how I can be a better conductor.

Lead Like You Love It

When I posted this entry I mentioned another I had been writing on leadership with a conductor as the example of the principle (mostly written back in January, by the way). A friend told me tonight that I need to be blogging more about this kind of thing, so here we go.

So first, the example. About a year ago I was at a meeting one evening with a large group of boy scout leaders. They announced the opening song and prayer, and the organist began to play. The music conductor stood up in his scout uniform before the large roomful of people, and as the words began, he started leading us in the song like there wasn't another place in the world he would rather be. He was smiling and singing away, looking like he was having the time of his life.

I couldn't hardly keep my eyes off him, he was so fun to watch! I wondered what I was missing just sitting there in the audience, rather than up there leading. I don't remember if he was leading 'correctly,' but correctly or not, people were happily following him. He was there to do the job, do his best, and have a great time doing it. I would bet I wasn't the only person who noticed. I think I learned more from that man that I did from the rest of the meeting (sorry other speakers). His simple example taught me mountains.

LEAD LIKE YOU LOVE IT!
I thought of this while watching the musical performance of "Air and Simple Gifts" by John Williams during President Obama's inauguration. Of course each of the four musicians are top performers and leaders in their fields, but Yo-Yo Ma especially held my attention because he looked like he was having a blast. I watched the performance twice that day and was captivated by him both times. While pointing and telling the kids we own some of his CDs and he's famous because he's been on Arthur (check him out at 1:00 and 3:20, somehow his ears are bigger when he's a cartoon), I couldn't help but mention, "Look how much fun he's having!" (Maybe he was grinning knowing that we were listening to a recording so everyone didn't have to listen to their cold out-of-tune instruments, but who's to say for sure?)

We've all been around someone in a leadership position that complains, joking or not, about what they do. It's hard to follow someone that isn't happy about their job, even jokingly. They give the impression that they are there as a place holder, wishing their time was over rather than someone there to really lead, serve, and do their best. People don't look to complainers for an example.

On the other hand, people that are willingly and happily doing the work they are there to do become a great example to everyone that sees them. While I was a nursery leader for our church, meeting with the 18 months to 3 year old children every Sunday, I made it a personal goal of mine to show up early and always be happy while I was there. I wanted people to wonder what they were missing out on. Early on there were probably days when I was doing my best to paste on a smile, but an interesting by-product of that is after a while I didn't have to pretend anymore. When someone made a comment about me being "stuck" in there, I would let them know why I love it.

I'm certainly not always perfect at this, but it's something I've tried to apply. At home I think it's especially important to show our families that we love to be with and lead them. I've heard stories of girls not wanting to be mothers because of the example their own mothers showed of being so displeased with the job.

We are being watched more than we could ever imagine. Let your joyful service be an example to those around you, and people will follow. "For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands" (Isaiah 55:12). Cheesy, but it follows the musical examples, and you probably will be surprised by the miraculous results of your joyful attitude.

LEAD LIKE YOU LOVE IT!

P.S. I attended the same meeting a month ago, and I was most excited about going because I was so hoping to see the same man conducting the music again. Unfortunately, they had someone else, and she didn't look nearly as happy to be there.

Another great post on what someone has learned from conductors (to add to my own ah-ha's about that):  http://michaelhyatt.com/50-8-leadership-lessons-from-a-symphony-conductor-podcast.html

My Parenting Lesson for the Day

I needed this today. Take a look (it's SO worth it).

Lead Like the Great Conductors

Now really, don't read on until you've watched that or you won't get most of the rest. It's 20 minutes if you just watch it straight through (took me at least an hour because I was taking crazy amounts of notes).

I love to learn about leadership. I love how leadership principles apply in so many many ways. In fact, I'm even very slowly working on a book about leadership. I have a few posts I've written about leadership that have never been posted with the book in mind. Maybe I don't want bad feedback on something that is so deep in my heart. One post even involves a great conductor I saw in person once. Maybe I'll have to share that since it's so closely related to this.

So about this particular leadership lesson from Itay Talgam. I want to lead like the greats, especially when it comes to leading my children. Unfortunately today was a Riccardo Muti kind of day. How things slide down that slope I don't know. I don't have the excuse that I was trying to tell a story as beautiful as Mozart's.

About my own mother. She's not one that most would call a great leader, but she's someone I've been trying to study and figure out for a very long time. I read something a few months ago that opened my eyes to her leadership a bit, and I wish I had written it down, but as it stands I'll have to try to find it again. I don't remember her ever being like Muti, or most of those conductors. I would put her in the category of the last Bernstein clip. I don't remember a lot of lectures or instruction from her during our growing up years (maybe she's rolling her eyes right now at my great memory), but like the orchestra, I guess we knew what was expected, how to make it great, and we did it. And she has five awesome children to show for it.

I am not that parent! And far too many days I find myself sweating by the end. Do I look at the "trombones" too much?

I don't know if I'll ever be a Berstein, but maybe I can at least make it to Kleiber.

"You have the plan in your head, you know what to do, and you become a partner to create the sound as you take the ride."

"When it's needed, the authority is there." (Poor trumpet guy!)

"He's there 100%, but not commanding, not telling what to do. Rather enjoying what the soloist is doing."

Thank goodness tomorrow is another day. There's always another concert to play. It's their story that needs to be nurtured and told, not mine. Hopefully the conductor shows up more prepared. At least they haven't fired me yet!

(For your viewing enjoyment, here's the full version of that last Bernstein clip.)

My New Favorite Website

I popped on facebook the other day to see if anything exciting was going on outside my walls and noticed a friend had posted this video.



I instantly became a fan, and naturally had to start stalking his website. Extremely super cool that you can choose from different playlists (left side of the screen), click listen, and have his amazing music play away. His music blessed our home most of the day Saturday.

You can even download a few of his songs for free, and print out some of his sheetmusic. I printed out "All of Me." Yah. Don't expect any concerts anytime soon. The five flats were scary, but then I read all these testimonials from 14 year olds that hated their piano lessons until they started playing Jon's music which they can now play to perfection and I figured if THEY can do it... I'll let you know, but give me a few years. While you're waiting, go listen to Jon play it. It's the first song that plays when you bring up the website.

I love one of the comments I read on his website - that they felt like they've heard his music before. Like in heaven.

Like Magic

It amazes me what kids will respond to. The kids have been introduced to Mozart's "The Magic Flute" a bit because I LOVE the Queen of the Night's big aria (here's another during a clip from "Amadeus", and another really great one). Jamie and I went to see the Magic Flute the summer after we were married and I don't think I breathed through the entire song. I recorded if off a CD sometime and have played it here and there. I said something about it to them the other day and during the conversation I decided I should see if I could get a copy of the opera from the library. I thought the copy I put on hold was in English and put it on this morning just to run while we went about other things. It's in German. I was a bit disappointed since it would be harder for the kids to follow it, but as I type, the 156 minutes are just about done and Adam and Melanie watched just about the whole thing with Sammy, Carolyn, and I joining them here and there. I've put two books on hold for our next library trip so they can get the story of it all. It's got me thinking of other 'greatness' I should expose them to.

Speaking of magic, those beans I mentioned last post are still holding their magic. Today I taught Melanie about fractions using them and some measuring cups. She thought the whole thing was pretty amazing. Carolyn helped, but she was still a bit young for the concept. They've been out two other times today besides that, one time with Carolyn and Sammy sorting them.

P.S. Melanie told me tonight that the worst part about "The Magic Flute" is that it isn't ours. :)

Shining Eyes

Thought for the day...

Besides a variety of other credentials, Benjamin Zander was the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra for 28 seasons, beginning in 1979. At one point he realized that the conductor doesn't make a sound, "he depends for his power on his ability to make other people powerful... My job was to awaken possibility in other people. And of course I wanted to find out if I was doing that. And you know how you find out? Look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you're doing it. If the eyes are not shining you get to ask a question - who am I being, that my players' eyes are not shining? We can do that with our children too. Who am I being that my children's eyes are not shining? That's a totally different world... Success is not about wealth and fame and power, it's about how many shining eyes I have around me."

A powerful measuring stick. The eyes are windows to the soul.