Get It Out of Here!

We took a lovely vacation camping this past week, first just our family, then meeting up with our local church singles branch that Jamie is involved with. It was a wonderful few days, but something struck me on the way home. There was never any complaining from my kids about being bored, yet there were no toys there, no television, no video games. They spent their time playing games together, heading outside to look for interesting things, going on hikes, etc.

More inspiration to get tossing!

I ravaged the girls' room for the most part of yesterday. Since they don't want to take care of the things in their room, I decided that anything I wasn't willing to take care of could go. That ended up being one kitchen garbage bag full for the trash, and a big black garbage sack mostly full for the DI. As many times as I've done this you would think they would have nothing left in their room, but they still do. A LOT less, though. And I'm not even done yet. I still need to hit their clothes hard, because that seems to end up being a big portion of their mess. I've also told them that I'm liable to get sick of more stuff if I have to keep taking care of their things for them.

Before I started tossing Carolyn told me I couldn't get rid of any of her friends like her hippo and her pig and I told her of course I wouldn't. After I took the bags out she checked again about those, then asked me if I had taken her monkeys or her purse. I told her those were safe too. See, she really doesn't need much.

I'm not as extreme as Lara yet (a worthwhile read, I would love to hear your opinion), but I'm far closer to that than how I used to be.

The Shakespearean "rub" in this case is that it's far easier to do this with the kids' stuff than it is mine. I'm leaps and bounds better in that too, and I still blame time as a huge factor, but I NEVER get in my bedroom to do some real tossing. I also blame the fact that any time I go in there little people follow and I don't like everyone following me in there, and by the time they are in bed I don't want to think about cleaning in there.

Do you ever find yourself giving your children advice that you should be following as well? Like this morning, I walked into their beautiful bedroom to put some laundry away. Melanie was all spread out, lying on the floor coloring. Direct quote out of my mouth (after I said it I wrote it down): "Isn't it nice when your room is clean, and you have a nice place where you can go and hang out and just BE?" I need to talk to myself more often.

P.S. I have some really fun pictures from our trip that maybe someday I'll post, but when I'm in a cleaning frenzy I have to run with it seeing as how it doesn't happen all that often.

Kids and Goals

I haven't been a New Year's goal person for very long. In the past I always figured that I shouldn't set a goal just because it is New Year's, that when I saw a need for change I should set the goal then. But a couple years ago I caught a bigger vision of the New Year's opportunity.

I was helping one of the kids prepare their Family Home Evening lesson the first Monday in January. We were looking for a good story about goals from the Friend magazine and happened upon this great goals chart. We printed one out for each member of the family, and that night everyone set goals for the year! The simplicity was fantastic to help the kids get the idea of goals. The topics helped us to think outside the box (although they are in boxes?) and set a good variety.

I remember one of Melanie's goals the best. She was 5 at the time and set the goal to be able to jump rope 10 jumps in a row. She had been practicing and could get a few in a row, and I knew if she could get to 10 she would quickly surpass that. The day after setting the goal, she practiced and practiced, DESPERATELY wanting to reach that goal. Within just a few days she had it, then went far beyond her goal, soon reaching 20, then 50, then 100! Later that month her kindergarten teacher told us she had never seen a kindergartener so good at jump roping. A simple goal, but a real lesson that if she could set a goal and work hard, she could achieve it. Definitely something good to learn at an early age!

I've given up on plenty of goals because of lack of planning, so likewise, if you want to help your children reach their goals, help them make a plan. Help them think about and define all the who, what, when, where, why, and how's. Help them get of vision of what they need to do to accomplish it so they will know what will be required of them. I'm grateful for my Wood Badge training and the goal setting experiences I've had through that so I can be a better mentor for my kids in this.

Since as homeschoolers we work on school goals a lot more hands-on than most, we got each of the kids a simple planner so we can keep track of monthly and weekly goals and keep a better record of all the great things we're learning. It's one of my New Year's goals to teach the kids to use those.

Last year I set a goal to make 2008 the year of decluttering. I got rid of a wonderful amount of unnecessary stuff and have been very pleased with my progress, but with so much more to do I plan on continuing that goal this year (Karen, still willing to check up on me?). My attitude change about 'stuff' has been the greatest result of all.

BTW, here's a list of questions to help think of New Year's goals.

P.S. While writing a portion of this we were watching a fun family movie called Hawmps! It's a kick and a half. "Don't mess 'em up so bad they won't hang good!" Reminiscent of some of the great old Disney comedies like The Apple Dumpling Gang and Hot Lead and Cold Feet. Watch it if you get the chance!

I Want People to Stagger Back in Admiration

Last week I wanted to post more and more about my decluttering, but didn't in case Jamie got into blackberry range and could read about it all. I wanted the big reveal when he got here!

So, the garage that he hasn't been able to park in for 6 months and can? "The garage looks nice." The basement that is two big DI trips and one big drop to grandma's for Saturday's shop-for-free emptier, not to mention two FULL garbage cans and all the remaining box combining and organizing? "I guess I should go away more often." No woooooowwwww. No, Marni, you're the rockinest, coolest, most wonderful wife ever, I am the luckiest man on earth that you would work your bootie off while I was up playing and swatting mosquitoes. It brings this episode of Keeping Up Appearances to mind (a great British comedy). The part I'm referring to starts at 2:17 to 5:06, a hilarious little clip. For the record, I'm not that hard to please. But in the future, I could use a little stagger. :)

My sisters both came over at different times yesterday for a tour. They didn't have much to say, but in their defence, it's not like I used to take people down to the basement just to show off how well our junk was piled around and spilling onto the floor.

Karen, when you make it over, remember you're Elizabeth.

If You Don't Use It, LOSE IT!

This podcast from the Savvy Organizer was just what I needed before sending Jamie and Adam off to scout camp this week. It's only Tuesday, and I took my first DI load this morning. Woo Hoo!!! I am so fired up to get things gone, there will be a healthy level of progress this week for sure.

If you haven't heard of the Savvy Organizer before, Maja is definitely worth listening to. The podcasts are short, to the point, and always have a lot of great ideas. I first learned about her through the Boutique Cafe podcast. Daria features Maja on podcasts 2, 37, and 40.

Talk About Tuesday

Honesty and Growing Up

Decluttering has been such a challenge to me for years, I'm so amazed at all the insight I've been getting the past several months.

One recently, honesty. I've learned I have to be honest with myself. Am I REALLY going to use this? Do the kids really like this? Has it been that beneficial to me and my family sitting here in this box or cluttering our home? Could someone else put it to better use than we have, and really love and enjoy it? It used to be so much harder to get rid of things, rationalizing that there would come a time that the whatever would be important to us, maybe a NEED even, and knotting up inside over it all. It's wonderful feeling so much more free and have so much more faith in the future.

Speaking of the future, I am GROWING UP. This is actually very shocking to me. Yes I've got 5 children, but as a neighbor told me the other day, I'm just a kid at heart. No wonder I'm so stinkin' fun! But I'm passing on things that tie me to my past, recent or not-so-recent, and the future feels so much closer and more promising. As the scriptures tell us, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things" (1 Corinthians 13:11). To me "childish things" could be things that hold me back from my potential, or things I've already gotten my fill of. I've got plenty of things that were really meaningful to me at some point, we'll say CDs for example, but I've soaked everything I can out of them and they are just here hanging out. If I'm honest with myself I know they'll never be that important to me again, and I need to pass them on so they can be meaningful to someone else.

So there are two great decluttering mantras for today: Be honest with yourself, and put away childish things.

More Decluttering Benefits

My decluttering efforts have slowed down during the past month (Jamie hasn't been out of town so I guess I haven't had to keep myself busy after the kids go to bed). I wrote about some side benefits before, but I was surprised by yet another benefit I just realized the other day.

I sent an e-mail to my bracelet mailing list two days ago that started with, "StylinBaby.com has really taken off in 2008! I don't know why suddenly I'm getting so much more business there, that I've decided to slow down listing on eBay and focus more on the website." I've been entirely surprised by the website business I've been getting this year. Usually January is TERRIBLE and I stress all month about sales because I'm trying to restock beads and other bracelet makings I've run out of from Christmas with not much coming in to do that, but this January was so busy I hardly had a break from the big Christmas rush. And it still really hasn't slowed down much. I haven't done any extra advertising to explain the extra business. It has just come.

A short while later after sending my e-mail I was catching up on a few blogs and came across a recent Lazy Organizer post that linked to this post from last year.

I guess it really is true, what goes around comes around.

Telling Myself No

I read something a few weeks ago about telling your children "No" sometimes for things that are good for them, but the no is to make sure they are really ready for it. They were talking about kids wanting to really dive into studying, and that telling them no helps you to find out if they are really ready for it. If they forget about it after you say no, then they weren't. If they keep at you and beg and beg, then they are. This could easily be applied to something like piano lessons. Most people think it's a great thing if their children want to take piano lessons and jump at the interest. If you tell them no and they keep pestering, you know that the desire is really there and not just a whim.

In my decluttering journey I'm learning the value of telling myself no. Decluttering my bedroom really scares me. I don't entirely know why. Maybe partially because I know that to really do that, a lot of things will need to move elsewhere, but where? So then I think I need to finish the basement first. I think I'm also assuming that because they are in my bedroom I NEEEEEED them. I've had a hard time even thinking about it too much, and feel myself getting stressed when I start to consider different ideas. It stresses me even more because I know it stresses Jamie as well. So I've just tried not to think about it, figuring when I'm ready, I'll know.

Jamie left town again this morning dark and early (the sun was far from up), so I started thinking what I could work on while he's gone. I immediately thought of our bedroom, and started thinking, maybe now is the time. "No," I told myself, "it's not. I'm not ready." Immediately this feeling welled up, reminding me of my own childrens' "But Mooooooommmmmmm! I waaaannnnnttt toooo!!!!!" This is good, I thought.

I might do some minor here's and there's, but I'll keep saying no for a while if that's what happens.

Now THAT'S Decluttering!

Late last night I was reading some information by Rachel DeMille about Thomas Jefferson Education, a homeschooling philosophy, and how she applies it in their home. I found this quote that totally sums up why I'm tossing.

"One of the biggest drains on my time and energy that otherwise would go to educating myself and mentoring my children is caring for the family's possessions."

YES! How many times have I been cleaning up after the mob, wishing I could be reading a book or playing a game with them instead?

She goes on, talking about how once a month they have a "systematic purge" to clear non-essentials - unused clothing, toys, and anything that doesn't have a "good place" or is hard for the children to take care of.

The once a month would definitely be an upgrade from the once every ... years it now happens (we're drastically improving!), but what REALLY amazed me is how she continues.

"I have a friend who simply made a list of "keepers" off the top of her head and left it for her husband's reference. She asked him to carry everything else away while she and the children were gone, so that neither she nor they could change their minds about anything. The kids now have a large shoebox full of toys. They have little difficulty caring for their things. Their imaginative play has not suffered with the lack of the things they used to have. And lap-time has improved in quality now that she doesn't feel guilty about the pickup she's not doing. The house doesn't need it anymore."

WOW. Don't know how happy the kids would be for that, but their rooms would feel a lot nicer. And to go further, applying that, even if not quite so drastically to every other area in the home.... This one is going to have me thinking for a while. I already recognize that it's harder to toss when you are looking at the items, so to stand outside a closet for example, write down what's important in there and let someone (or yourself if you've got the willpower) toss the rest? Hmmmm... It is an entirely different way to look at the job if you're thinking about what you should keep rather than what should go.

BTW, I saw this great post last week about tossing DVD cases. I bought a case for the DVDs but haven't entirely talked myself into it yet. Jamie? :)

Why DI is Better Than eBay

...at least when you're trying to get rid of things.

Express Lane Cookbook - took up residence in my kitchen cupboard, keeping my other cookbooks company. I sent several off to DI to find new homes, but as this had hardly been cracked I thought I would try my luck.

eBay Sale Price: $1.45

Not wanting to overcharge anyone too terribly on shipping I used eBay's calculated shipping option and entered the weight a bit above the true book weight to cover any extra costs.

Calculated Shipping: $3.17
Total Payment I Received: $4.62

Unfortunately, the options offered at the post office weren't the same as those I had chosen on eBay, and the dimensions were such that it couldn't be shipped like I expected. Media mail would have been fine, but they had paid with the intent of faster shipping than that.

Total Shipping I Paid: $4.60

My Earnings: $.02

Worth the trouble? No.

* UPDATE: It is now Feb. 13th and I was thinking this morning that I didn't even account eBay and PayPal fees into the calculation, so without checking the exact fees by far I was the loser. Then lo and behold, I got a surprise e-mail this afternoon from the buyer with $3.00 to help cover the shipping (how sweet is that?). I think I came out a little bit more on top.

This Week's DI and Giveaways

I've decided to start keeping track of all that leaves the house. Well, most. I'm not taking pictures of the trash. :) I wish I had thought of this sooner!

Anyway, this is what went to DI:



And this is what is being given away:

Prime Real Estate and Odd Side Effects

I can't believe how much my attitude has changed about getting rid of things! What used to be really stressful has become so refreshing and fun. I've jumped in with both feet and it gets easier and easier.

I can't believe how much prime real estate I've wasted. One example, in our bedroom we've got a dresser with 5 drawers. Jamie takes to top two, I've got the bottom three. Jamie opens both of his daily. My top drawer gets opened daily, the next once a week, the bottom hardly never. My jeans hang out on the floor next to my bed. Is whatever living in that bottom drawer important enough to get that prime real estate, or do I move it out so I can put something I do use there? I've been noticing this all around me, where I'm using the prime real estate as storage rather than prime space that could be put to good use. Think about it!

The tossing has had some interesting side effects. One, the more I do the easier it gets. The time and energy it takes to deal with all the stuff is such a constant burden, becoming more free every day is a great motivation. Two, I feel richer. Like we're so blessed that I can get rid of all this stuff and still have so much left over. For so long I've felt really stingy, hanging on to just about everything for that odd "just in case." Now I pick something up and know that someone else could use it far better than the bottom of my closet does.

So refreshing.

Review: Clearing Your Clutter with Feng Shui

If you read past posts of mine, you know keeping the house clean is a real issue for me. I've tried so many systems and schedules, till I realized one day that it was all the 'stuff' that was killing me and I needed to get rid of more 'stuff' before I could even start to feel ahead. Unfortunately, it is deeply engrained in my genes to hold tightly to whatever enters my home. While opening wedding presents my mom told me I should save the paper and bows. I'm not sure where the paper is, but I still haven't been able to toss that box of bows! Weeded it down, but many still there ("If I ever wrap a present ahead of time, I could dig through the box for a nice bow to top it off!").

Anyway, wandering through the library at the end of October I noticed this book on the shelf and thought what the heck, I'm always looking for good ideas. I knew nothing about feng shui (not entirely sure I know much more now) but I figured I would take that with a grain of salt and go digging for the good clearing clutter ideas.

What a find! Since I've been reading this I've found myself tossing and organizing like crazy. If I didn't have so many things to do besides, I could truly "ninja through [my] home like a white tornado, decluttering with glee" as Ms. Kingston mentions at one point in her book. As it stands, I'm just part-time ninja, or when-I-get-the-chance ninja, though still doing it with glee.

Here are some of her other words of wisdom as a record for myself, if nothing else:

"[When you hold on to clutter] you tend to look back rather than forward in your life... You have to release the past to create a better tomorrow."

"After clutter clearing you are likely to surprise yourself by wanting to do things you have put off for a long time."

"Write a list of all the things you would love to do if only your clutter were sorted, and let this be the inspiration for you to get on with it."

"Keeping things 'just in case' indicates a lack of trust in the future... The more you can learn to trust that life will take care of you, the more life will take care of you."

"Life is constant change. So when something comes into your life, enjoy it, use it well, and when it is time, let it go. It is that simple. Just because you own something, it doesn't mean that you have to keep it forever. You are just a temporary custodian of many things as they pass through your life."

"Get in the habit of leaving a trail of discarded clutter in your wake, and start to think of it as a sign of progression!"

"Everything you are holding on to through fear is blocking you having more love in your life; clearing it allows more love to start pouring in. Fear stops you from being who you truly are and doing what you came here to do; clutter clearing brings you greater clarity about your life purpose... Letting go of clutter leaves you free to be you, which is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself."

On books, "Your books symbolically represent your ideas and beliefs... Learn to let your books go when it is time." Besides all the obvious ones like cookbooks you don't use and textbooks you haven't used for years, "There are books that inspired you deeply years ago but whose concepts are now so much a part of you that you no longer need to read them anymore. Aim to end up with a collection of books that represents you as you are today and the intended 'you' of tomorrow."

"Sit down and make a list of the many things [you] want to do in [your] life that [you aren't] allowing [yourself] to do because of unfinished jobs."

"Working with a clear desk increases productivity, creativity, and job satisfaction... It is psychologically far more uplifting to start with a clear desk than with mounds of paperwork, which makes you feel defeated before you even start."

She goes a bit into physical, emotional, and spiritual clutter as well, but I think I'm doing okay there, with a big yikes at her discussion on colon cleansing (I'll stick with my basement, thanks). All the advice has been motivating so far. So much to do, so little time.

A Few Creative Moments Out of the Basement

Jamie (my husband) had me listen to a talk recently on being creative. I'll have to get the source from him, but it was a creative writing instructor at BYU if I remember right. It focused on writing, but the principles applied to probably any creative outlet. It mentioned taking time to be creative in your chosen area every day, and I thought, Gosh, I should be writing in my blog every day. I've wanted to be a writer since elementary school, so I guess I should keep that in practice. This blogging thing is fun, but one of my friends put the pressure on me. After reading my first two posts she called and said, "Those are so funny! You really need to keep writing and keep it funny." There you have it, instant writer's block. Thanks Leslie!

As you can probably tell from the cleaning ideas, I have definite issues with that. Between keeping on top of things, staying halfway organized, and (yikes!) tossing tossing tossing, it's been a big weight on me and something I am always trying to be better at an overcome.

I took 2 hours each of the last 2 nights and watched Masterpiece Theather "Anna Karenina." I've been wanting to read the book, saw the video at the library, and thought, what the heck, at least I can get the storyline before I dive into the HUGE book. Very disturbing story actually, now I'm debating whether to read it or not. There was a great quote in the movie that I assume is also in the book, something to the effect of, "Why do women take on extra duties when they can't handle the ones they've already got?" In the movie Anna's husband was slyly referring to her adulterous relationship, but since I'm the kind of person that loves to take on anything extra to avoid household duties it stabbed me to the core.

Still, I've been making some big leaps and bounds this week. Jamie has been at scout camp all week and I've been attacking the box-filled basement, as it has been threatening to kidnap one of the children. I've been doing some major tossing and lots of organizing, and IT FEELS GREAT! With as well as things are going, I'm expecting the basement to look pretty darn good.

I've spent a lot of thought and prayer on my homemaking issues. Maybe it's one of those things that the time has to be right, because over the past several months I've really felt some attitude changes. I was totally shocked when I realized it was my birthday, I was doing the dishes (one of my least favorite things), and actually didn't mind and was (shhhh!) ALMOST enjoying it. I couldn't really admit it if I was, could I? But it IS nice to walk up to an empty sink rather than an overflowing one.

Off to make dinner so I can dive back into the basement.