Help Them Aim High

I taught Relief Society yesterday.  When I first got the lesson schedule I was so excited to get to discuss President Eyring's talk "Help Them Aim High" for my first lesson.  Jamie had it playing in the car shortly after general conference.  I listened for a while, taken in by all President Eyring was saying, then mentioned to Jamie that I didn't remember it, and was told it was a priesthood talk.  Lucky guys again!  I think I printed it the moment we got home so I could read and think about it, and even used it for my November visiting teaching lesson.

I love teaching.  The study is different knowing that you'll be presenting the information, and I walk into the class knowing that the insight I get from others will expand my learning even more.

The basic gist of the talk is that being individuals with individual missions to fulfill in life, we are blessed with different spiritual gifts to help us in that.  Not only do we need seek to recognize our own gifts, we need to recognize the gifts that others have, especially our children, and help them to "see, want, and believe they can achieve their full potential for service in God's kingdom."

President Eyring talks very specifically about how he did that for each of his children.  Through his other talks you can tell he's a great, caring man, but it was wonderful to see the special love and time he gives to his children and grandchildren.  A great example.

Something that was specifically brought up and clarified during the discussion was that he wasn't helping his children discover these gifts as part of their future occupation, but as ways they can bless others in service.  Seeking after those gifts will certainly strengthen who you are, though, and would bless your life in a variety of other ways, including occupation.  He never once mentions his children's occupations, but does share ways his children used their gifts in service.

Studying this has helped me to think more about how I can help my kids "aim high."  Thank goodness President Eyring says we don't have to carve to do it.  This talk reminded me of something my aunt and uncle did for their family.  Another beautiful way - no carving.  :)

I've been watching my children more, and if nothing else, pointing out to them things that I see.  I've never been given anything concrete like a height board or framed scripture from someone regarding what they see in me, but I've had a few people here and there in my life mention things they see in me, even quickly in casual conversation, that I didn't realize.  It's hard to really see yourself, though, don't you think?  Or even if I think I might have some gift, it's nice to know that someone else recognizes it too.  When I realize someone sees that in me, it's easier to focus on developing that more, which is why it's so important to recognize those things in others, especially our children.

Anyone want to discuss it more?  So many good things in there to talk about.

Dissonance and Harmony

I bought a book at the DI a few months ago called "I Didn't Plan to be a Witch: A Guide for Frustrated Mothers Everywhere" by Linda Eyre. It's been in my car ever since for those stuck-waiting-with-nothing-to-do moments, but it's only been opened a couple of times because either I don't wait enough or I always have something to do while I wait.

I got to wait for a bit today, for Jamie and my dad to meet me for a lunch date. Since each chapter is a shortish essay on some aspect of parenting, I glanced through the table of contents, saw one on sibling rivalry, and decided that was the chapter to read. The lesson is good enough to share.

Bach was a genius at putting together chords and establishing new rules to create complex, rich music. Bach used many methods to make his compositions moving and creative, one of which as dissonance. Over and over again, through passing tons and intentional "wrong" notes, he created a brief, uneasy feeling. Most interesting of all was the relief he could make the listener feel through the resolution of the dissonance.

Bach was a master at resolving the dissonance in his music in wonderful ways--sometimes in predictable ways; other times in creative, new ways. A man known for his "well-tempered clavichord," Bach spent a lifetime establishing music as "well-tempered."

So should be our own households. I hope you have a sigh of relief as you realize that dissonance is necessary to contrast with and resolve into harmony. Dissonance actually makes life more interesting. It helps us grow and progress. The important thing is how we resolve the dissonance. If we do it right, a feeling of even more harmony results, whereas the wrong resolution can cause even greater feelings of anxiety.

Think of a recent example of dissonance in your home and decide whether the dissonance was resolved to create harmony or more dissonance.

She shares an example from her home when a daughter wanted to have a friend sleepover, and because of the previous sleepover her answer was a quick "NO." Of course her daughter was upset and complained. Though her answer was final, she had created more dissonance and decided to put herself in her daughter's shoes. Before the daughter left for school, Mrs. Eyre offered a different solution that they were both happy with, which resulted in greater "harmony" between the two of them. She continues:

Dissonance is a part of life. Whether it's only a passing note or a big, out-of-shape chord, we need to expect it, even anticipate it, and sometimes think about resolutions in advance. Other times, we just need to keep working at it until it feels right. Remember: interesting dissonance makes a greater harmony!

I'm sure it's unbelievable (cough cough) to most of you out there, but we do have our fair share of dissonance in our home. It was refreshing that she didn't give some magic trick, saying that it's possible to entirely get rid of dissonance, but instead called it a "part of life." It's even better to know that through dissonance, the harmony can be even more refreshing and beautiful.

Something to think about! It's got my mind back on those great conductors, evaluating again how I can be a better conductor.

My Parenting Lesson for the Day

I needed this today. Take a look (it's SO worth it).

Lead Like the Great Conductors

Now really, don't read on until you've watched that or you won't get most of the rest. It's 20 minutes if you just watch it straight through (took me at least an hour because I was taking crazy amounts of notes).

I love to learn about leadership. I love how leadership principles apply in so many many ways. In fact, I'm even very slowly working on a book about leadership. I have a few posts I've written about leadership that have never been posted with the book in mind. Maybe I don't want bad feedback on something that is so deep in my heart. One post even involves a great conductor I saw in person once. Maybe I'll have to share that since it's so closely related to this.

So about this particular leadership lesson from Itay Talgam. I want to lead like the greats, especially when it comes to leading my children. Unfortunately today was a Riccardo Muti kind of day. How things slide down that slope I don't know. I don't have the excuse that I was trying to tell a story as beautiful as Mozart's.

About my own mother. She's not one that most would call a great leader, but she's someone I've been trying to study and figure out for a very long time. I read something a few months ago that opened my eyes to her leadership a bit, and I wish I had written it down, but as it stands I'll have to try to find it again. I don't remember her ever being like Muti, or most of those conductors. I would put her in the category of the last Bernstein clip. I don't remember a lot of lectures or instruction from her during our growing up years (maybe she's rolling her eyes right now at my great memory), but like the orchestra, I guess we knew what was expected, how to make it great, and we did it. And she has five awesome children to show for it.

I am not that parent! And far too many days I find myself sweating by the end. Do I look at the "trombones" too much?

I don't know if I'll ever be a Berstein, but maybe I can at least make it to Kleiber.

"You have the plan in your head, you know what to do, and you become a partner to create the sound as you take the ride."

"When it's needed, the authority is there." (Poor trumpet guy!)

"He's there 100%, but not commanding, not telling what to do. Rather enjoying what the soloist is doing."

Thank goodness tomorrow is another day. There's always another concert to play. It's their story that needs to be nurtured and told, not mine. Hopefully the conductor shows up more prepared. At least they haven't fired me yet!

(For your viewing enjoyment, here's the full version of that last Bernstein clip.)

Progressing

I'm really impressed with all we've been able to accomplish this week. Tuesday and Wednesday we got amazing amounts done. Thursday we were gone most of the day so not much. Friday and Saturday not as much as the first two days, but still progress, beautiful progress. It's such a great feeling! Don't come over expecting everything to be spotless because we still most definitely live here, but I won't be nearly as anxious about people discovering what lies beneath.

Speaking of progressing, other things are progressing as well, including another secret I've been holding onto for a while. Secret for about 13 weeks actually, though the secret has been progressing for about 18. Here's a clue:

Didn't help? Maybe this...

Still no? How about this:

NUMBER SIX that is.

If from all that you still don't know what the picture below means, maybe the Motor Mouth post will help clue you in.

Another Homeschool Blessing

I've been thinking for a while that it's time to potty train Erin, but sheesh, it's quite a committment. Last week I told the other little girls that I would pull out the potty on Monday and get her started. Didn't make it out till two nights ago while Erin and Carolyn were in the bath. Seeing this fun new toy, Erin decided she was done pretty quick, so Carolyn kept on swimming and Erin sat and sat and sat. Lo and behold, success!

I thought about it again yesterday morning, but since we were going to the park I didn't say anything about panties. Later that afternoon Melanie took it upon herself to panty Erin up and took her to the bathroom several times. Both successes and failures, but so it goes.

Melanie loves to be the little mother, and she's been playing that role a lot with potty training.

If I Don't Sound Very Logical...

...hold that thought for a minute. First the story.

I got the two littlest girls in the bath tonight then headed downstairs for a couple minutes, and Melanie followed me down. Suddenly Carolyn yelled, "Mom! I think you better come in here!" Thinking Erin had added unto the bath, I yelled back for confirmation. "Is there a problem?" No answer. I asked Melanie to run up and check on things, still figuring Erin was just trying to 'share' and was ready to run up after getting a confirmation. Then Melanie yelled down, "Come here! Carolyn's whole tooth is out!" When I heard "whole tooth" I was thinking yikes, roots and all, and I sprinted upstairs. Carolyn was sitting there with a grin, holding a little bottom front tooth.

"Did you bonk your mouth on Erin's head?"
"No."
"Then what did you do?"
"I just did this with my teeth (showed me rubbing top front teeth on bottom front teeth) and it came out!"

Tiny bleeding, better even than some I've pulled out for the kids. I checked the other front one, and it's definitely on the loose side too. She doesn't even turn 5 until February!

From there she was ready to jump out of the bath so she could get it ready for the tooth fairy. We had to explain the tooth pillow concept. She thought the tooth stayed in the tooth pillow till you took the tooth out to put it under your pillow, and was very adament about that until I pointed out how tiny the tooth is and how easy it would be to lose it.

Now about the logic. After she was all dressed I took a few pictures then had her call Daddy who was stuck at work. Took me a few seconds to think of taking video of her talking about it. See if you can follow the circles she spins. What a cutie.

So if I don't sound very logical, it's because I get this kind of loopdy-loop stream of consciousness a lot. At least she didn't pull a Grant, but she didn't even warn me it was loose!

YOUCH!

Maybe I'm the only sun know-nothing out there, but just in case, I want to share a bit of what I learned today. See, out of the five kids, I've got two that seem like they are constantly getting sunburned. I think we've got the problem licked in the beginning of spring after we have our first round of sunburns and we're back into lathering sunscreen on, but then we get it again. And again. And again.

After sending Sammy off to day camp today lathered with sunscreen plus more to reapply and a sunburned chest and back from swimming a couple days in a row (at least that will be covered), I popped online to check the temp for today. A bit cooler than the past couple of days, but still hot. I noticed the 11+ UV rating, and decided to check that out.

First, the general about UV. "The ozone layer shields the Earth from harmful UV radiation. Ozone depletion, weather, and the seasons cause different amounts of UV radiation to reach the Earth. The UV Index tells you how much. It predicts the next day's UV levels on a 1-11+ scale that helps you decide what to do to be safe in the sun" (italics added).

So down to the 11+ rating. "A UV Index reading of 11 or higher means extreme risk of harm from unprotected sun exposure. Try to avoid sun exposure during midday hours, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Apply sunscreen with an SPF of at least 15 liberally every 2 hours" (again, italics added). The 8-10 rating doesn't include the every two hours part, so I guess that's what we were missing. I assume the UV rating was lower before, so applying when they headed out in the afternoon covered them for the rest of the day, or at least long enough it wasn't a problem. Not that I think they are saying to apply in the morning, be out all day, and you'll be fine. But when the rating is 11+, be extra cautious!

Really, am I the only one that missed this? Hopefully in sharing my stupidity I can save someone else the pain and suffering! I guess we'll be setting a timer to know when we need to sunscreen up again.

By the way, I pulled this information off ksl.com, so feel free to check that out for more info.

Vision

Jamie and I were having a nice chat on vision the other day while we were driving, and I'm going to toss down some of those thoughts so I can remember them.

At Wood Badge, the first time I remember really being taught about vision, one of the first lessons taught is called, "Values, Vision, and Mission." In that and throughout the rest of the week, participants are taught that you need to have a vision to know where you are going. In that capacity the main way they are looking at it is having a vision for where the group of scouts you work with can be in the next 18 months, but it was easy to see how it related at least personally for my family and church responsibilities. Having a vision, seeing what you'd like to have happen, allows you to put goals in place to getting there.

About a month ago I bought some CDs on Teaching Self-Government (you can also find her blog from there, which also has a lot of great information). In the first one, Nicoleen talks about creating a family vision. Not something vague, we'll all live happily every afterish. She suggests a vision of a specific family gathering 20 years down the road - who will be there, what time of year or even the day it will be (hers is a Christmas party), the things you'll eat and do, and even what you'll talk about. After husband and wife create the vision, Nicholeen says to take it to the family and share it with your children. Let them know every detail you see and help them to "see" it too, so they can be a part of making that vision happen.

She talks more about making it happen, but since I'm just talking about vision right now that's as far as I'll go. But I love how she emphasized being specific and sharing the vision.

Jamie went to a meeting recently where the leader there said that he doesn't always follow things told to him because his vision is different than theirs. Sorry I'm not being more specific on that, but it's all about protecting the innocent. :) This tossed around in my head until the drive while Jamie and I were talking about vision. This leader gets a lot of dissenting opinions. Why? Because his followers don't know what his vision is! If they knew his vision, since obviously he has one, then maybe it would be easier for people to follow his vision.

That same lesson has been reiterated to me through some of the capacities I've filled through church and scouting. The more information we give parents, the more help we get back from them. If the parents know what they need to do to help their children accomplish the achievements, we get tons of support. If I notice we have some less than supportive parents, the first thing I check is to make sure they know what we need them to be doing. More times that I care to admit, I was the first one to drop the ball, not them.

I have great goals for my family. I know each member of our family has strengths and talents that need to be developed, and I know each of us has a great mission to fulfill in this life. Having a family vision and helping everyone to work towards it is a big step in getting there. Now for ours...

The Power of Positive Speaking

I have been having some issues with one, okay two, of my children (not that the others won't bring new things up, but they usually take turns) and I was skimming through one of my parenting books looking for some inspiration. I came upon a chapter on positive reinforcement, and decided that was an area I could probably really work on. I praise my children, but there plenty of days when it's one thing after another and I wouldn't notice anything positive if it jumped out of my Cheerios. Nevermind, that would not be positive either.

I focused on one child especially for about a week, praising like crazy. We had a really good week! I felt wonderful all week, noticing positives everywhere. Our home felt wonderful. But the next week, not so good. Rather than getting positive results, I was getting shot negatives left and right in return. I got discouraged, sooooo discouraged.

Strangely enough, all these other sources on positive reinforcement started jumping out at me, like hello, you can do this!

This is something I saved recently. It's got some lists of positives we should use more and negatives we should use less.

I came across this article about a family that wanted to combat the negatives in their home and one way that they did it.

Jeffrey R. Holland addressed this topic so well during his talk on speaking with the Tongue of Angels.

"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture’s obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are 'enough.'"

My biggest worry is sounding insincere or fake. I was happy to read the "I've done it and you can too" thoughts from Nicholeen. Maybe I'll try actually keep track to see how I'm really doing.

All these "you can do it!" pats on the back were just what I needed. Jumping back on track!

Just Wanted to Share

I came upon this quote earlier and wanted to pass it on:

"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt