Get Thee Hence!

As of today, Adam has officially been on his mission for exactly a month!  Every letter glows with his love of learning his role as a missionary, meeting new people, and growing in testimony.

Which is what brings on this blog post.  The adversary discovered he could use my wonderful son against me.

It started small.  I couldn't even say exactly what the beginning point was, so I'll just jump to the point of realization, which was last Monday, his most recent prep day.  It went like this - I hate my phone making noise at me all day, so I leave off the notifications.  One of the first things I've started doing Monday morning is turning on e-mail notifications so I'll see when his e-mail comes in.  Anticipation for a few hours, then hooray, it's arrived!  This week Jamie was even home, so we gathered everyone together and read his message.  So so exciting to read!  As we e-mailed short response letter back and forth for a bit, the thoughts started coming...

He didn't say anything about the letter you wrote him.

You aren't important to him.

You shouldn't spend so much time thinking of good things to write him, it doesn't matter.

Nobody cares what you have to say.

And on and painfully on.

Jamie headed off to work and the thoughts continued.  I started to wonder, did he even get my letter?  I had attached some pictures from the week.  Maybe that's not allowed?  Maybe he sat and read letters from everyone else and is wondering why I didn't write.  I imagined him confused, wondering why so early on in his mission his mom already isn't writing.  I sent Jamie a text about that, and he called (probably realizing something was up).  About 5 seconds into the call I was in tears, so consumed with all the negative hurtful thoughts I was having.

Poor Jamie is not used to having a fragile, weepy wife!  He did his best, and even sent Adam an e-mail (which I still need to delete) solely to say, please mention your mom it would do a lot of good.  I'm chuckling now as I write this.  He married a tough gal, and had no idea what to do with the person he was talking to at that moment.  I'm very grateful he was trying!

That wasn't the first episode, but it was certainly the worst.  Satan found a golden opening to derail me, using my motherly desire to be important to my children, and I was so consumed by it that my children at home got a cruddy mother.

Maybe the voices were getting louder and easier to see for what they are, but thankfully this time I recognized everything for what it was, and that night I went to bed drained from it all, praying for a miracle to help me close it all out.

The next morning I wrote this in my journal:

"Satan doesn't know who he's messing with.

I am a daughter of God!  I have made covenants that bind me eternally to His work.  I know He loves me, and that my Savior loves me.  Without them I am nothing.  With them, I can do anything.  My life is in their hands, to further their great work on this earth.

I may still discover chinks in my armor for Satan's fiery darts, but these will be quickly discovered and strengthened.  But still the armor is there, every day.

I am enlisted.  Battle on."

The adversary is real and always watching for a weak point. It's one thing to love my children, and quite another to base who I am on them, what they do, and if they tell me thanks for what I do.

The seriousness and strength of it all seems so stupid and weak now.  But I also recognize this battle might not be completely over.  We shall see.

How to Prepare a Child for a Mission

(I gave this talk on March 16, 2014 in our ward.)

After getting off the phone with the Bishop, I quickly felt inadequate for this talk.  I haven't sent a missionary out, so I feel like a mom with her first baby in her arms looking around sacrament meeting, noting everything other people's kids are doing, and thinking, "My kids will never do that."  Well guess what - they will.  Since I haven't actually sent a missionary out, the things I have to say could be totally wrong, so anyone that actually has done it, don't laugh too hard at my lack of knowledge.

(I forgot about this part, but if I hadn't, this is where it would have been.)

When my brother heard I would be talking about this, he said I needed to share this advice:
-- Every Elder should know how to catch, kill, prepare, and cook various forms of waterfowl  (I wasn't actually going to say this one, maybe mentioning that they should be prepared to use their special gifts and talents in creative ways, and be willing to learn more).

-- Every Elder should be well-trained in how to perform sweet BMX-like tricks on a non-BMX bike

-- It is absolutely critical that every Elder possess the courage and adventurism necessary to eat whatever is placed in front of them -- and then ask for more.

In our stake we had a Relief Society activity a month ago, and one of the classes likened preparing for a mission like getting ready for the Olympics.  An Olympian doesn't start learning how to play the game when they are trying to get on the Olympics team.  They practice for years to get to that point.  With a mission, preparation doesn't begin 120 days out when mission papers are filed.  It needs to start years ahead of that.

This is my personal mothering battle vision.
Alma 49:8-9 - But behold, to their uttermost astonishment, they were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known among the children of Lehi. Now they were prepared for the Lamanites, to battle after the manner of the instructions of Moroni.  And it came to pass that the Lamanites, or the Amalickiahites, were exceedingly astonished at their manner of preparation for war.

I want my children to be prepared for battle the best they can be, so personal revelation is an inherent part of that.  The things I feel are important in my family for our "astonishing" preparation might be different than the things that are important to [the missionary I was speaking with]'s family.  With personal revelation, every family here would bring in different aspects to their preparation that will make their preparation new and astonishing.  

PATTERNS

In the church we've been counseled that if we follow certain patterns, our families will be blessed.  The patterns I'm talking about are family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study.  We've heard about that plenty of times before so I'm not going to go into that.  But it does take a consistent effort, and I'll be the first to tell you it's not easy.  It's not always spiritually filling, but we keep working and we keep trying.

We had a family home evening a few weeks ago that started out really well.  Erin was in charge of the lesson, and she wanted to talk about Joseph of Egypt.  After going through the story, I was pointing out how all these terrible things happened to Joseph, but that he had faith like it says in the scriptures, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good" (D&C 90:24).  By that point, family home evening had turned to chaos, so I ended my thoughts with, "just like I have faith that even though family home evening usually turns into this, I have faith that good things will come out of this too!"  (My poor children...)

Even though each individual effort has been less than stellar, I am seeing the fruits from the years we've been doing these.  I'm impressed with the knowledge my kids have of the scriptures, and they are gaining their own personal testimonies.

HARD THINGS

At the same stake Relief Society activity that I mentioned earlier, a video was shown with some mission advice from a couple in our stake that are serving as mission president/mission mom right now in Chili.  One of the things they suggested is that before serving a mission, young men/young women should have an experience where they've had to do something really hard to the point that they wanted to quit, but that they kept going.  When these missionaries are away from home for 1 1/2 to 2 years, they need experiences like that in their back pocket so they know they can continue through the new hard things they'll experience.

For our family, scouting has provided a lot of those activities, like camping out in the cold during a klondike, going on a backpacking trip, or a really long hike.  During Adam's first year working at scout camp, he had been hired to work in the shooting sports area and loved it, but halfway through the summer they had some people quit and he was pulled from that area and was moved to teaching First Aid.  He found out about the change on a Sunday evening, and we got a letter from him telling us about it the next Saturday (camp mail is slow).  We knew how devastating it would be for him, and we discussed going up to visit.  Before that was decided, Adam suddenly walked in the door.  We asked about the position change, and told him how bad we felt for him.  I think the question was asked, "Did you think about quitting?" because I remember him saying, "Yes, but I knew you guys would make me go back."  Besides struggling through that first week without having our "you can do it!," he continued through the rest of the summer and finished well.

ANGELS

To bring in another point on mission preparation, let's talk about Alma the Younger for a minute.  This guy came from a great family, but has made his own choices and was going around with his friends "stealing away the hearts of the people, causing much dissention," and "seeking to destroy the church" (Mosiah 27:9-10).  Suddenly an angel appeared and told them to knock it off, then got him back on the right path.

I haven't seen an angel, but I am deeply grateful for the people who have been angels in my life and in the lives of my children.  Susan Tanner stated that "Everywhere there are young [people] who are in the middle of their own stories, facing dangers and hardships. ...There will be 'angels round about you, to bear you up' (D&C 84:88). They will sustain us as we carry our earthly burdens. Often in our lives, those angels are the people around us, the people who love us, those who allow themselves to be instruments in the Lord’s hands."

I know that my children have been influenced by many angels in this ward.  I've asked them here and there, who do you look up to in the ward?  Who has been an example to you?  I've told some of those people but there are many others, and I'm so grateful for the influence they've had.

Several years ago a book was written called, "It Takes a Village."  I haven't read it, but I remember many people bothered by it, even retorting that "it takes a mother."  Honestly, I'm in the "it takes a village" camp.  I know that I couldn't do it all on my own.  I have wonderful parents, but I have also had plenty of angels in my own life that have helped to make me who I am today.

(Forgot to say this paragraph and the next, but it's important...)  In the fall Adam went on a hike to Ben Lomond peak with my brother and brother-in-law.  We talk off and on about where our boys will go on missions, and many times we've said that Adam will go to Africa for different reasons.  When he got home that day, he was all over going to South America because of everything his uncles had been saying about their missions in Uruguay and Argentina.  He insists it was the food talk, but regardless, the mission excitement was passed on.

One night after YM/YW a few months ago I was waiting and waiting for my kids to get home.  Finally at 10:00pm, an hour and a half after their activities should have ended, I was uptight and decided to drive to the church to drag them home, but passed them on the way.  I beat them home, and waited while they pulled in the driveway to give them some correction on just when it was appropriate to come home.  When they climbed out of the car, Adam got a "and where have you been?"  His response - "First we played basketball for a while, then we were talking about missions with the young men's leaders there."  Of course my lecture was gone, and I sent up a silent prayer about great leaders.  I did tell them 10:00 was too late to be coming home, though, but a lot kinder than I would have.

GAIN A PERSONAL TESTIMONY

Probably the most important step in mission preparation is gaining a personal testimony so they can share that with the people there.  Unfortunately, that's not something I can cook up, serve on a platter, and consider it done.  Really, there isn't a whole lot I can do about that beyond doing these other activities and hoping they are touched by the spirit.

From Jeffrey R. Holland, "A 14-year-old boy recently said to me a little hesitantly, 'Brother Holland, I can’t say yet that I know the Church is true, but I believe it is.' I hugged that boy until his eyes bulged out. I told him with all the fervor of my soul that belief is a precious word, an even more precious act, and he need never apologize for 'only believing.' I told him that Christ Himself said, 'Be not afraid, only believe,' a phrase which, by the way, carried young Gordon B. Hinckley into the mission field...  What was once a tiny seed of belief for me has grown into the tree of life, so if your faith is a little tested in this or any season, I invite you to lean on mine."

Elder Holland is great and all--I love reading his talks myself--but he isn't someone that our children can watch and hear from all the time beyond his recorded talks.

Our children need to hear our testimonies!

We are people they can watch and learn from daily.  To realize the importance of that, check out these three examples from the Book of Mormon.

Even though Enos had a grandfather, uncle, and father that were prophets, he still needed to gain his own testimony.  While out hunting one day, he stopped to pray.  "Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart" (Enos 1:3).

Alma the Younger, also the son of a prophet, made poor choices and needed a change of heart.  When he was knocked from his astonishment at seeing an angel, everything he had been doing to destroy the church was running through his mind.  "And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world" (Alma 36:17).

We know that the stripling warriors relied on the testimonies of their mothers.  "They had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it" (Alma 56:47-48).

Maybe a huge reason for having family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study is so we will have lots of opportunities to share our testimonies with our children.  If they know we know, they can lean on our testimonies when they need to.

Hopefully in the end, even with all the mistakes I make, this end vision will come to pass.

D&C 123:17  "Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

All I can do is cheerfully do my part, follow the patterns the church has given us, seek and follow personal revelation for my family, and do what I can to help my children gain their own testimonies.  But someday I hope when I look back I will see how deeply Heavenly Father has been involved in raising our children too, through their life experiences and through the people that have influenced their lives.  And hopefully, through all that, they will be well-prepared to serve a mission.

Broken

I've been feeling extra broken lately, a cracked pot for sure as my good friend would say.  Good to read this in a talk from Jeffrey Holland called "The Inconvenient Messiah" when he was president at BYU, although this part was actually given by his wife, Patricia.  Just before the quote below she said, "I guess what I've come here to tell you today is that God uses broken things."

"It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. . . . it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever." ["Broken Things," an excerpt from Vance Havner, The Still Water (Old Tappan, NJ: Flemming H. Revell, 1934). Quoted inGuideposts, October 1981, p. 5]

There's just something about being 7+ months pregnant, hormonal, and tired that shortens patience.  Doesn't help that while getting ready for a new little one, I'm feeling like some of my olders are leaving for the big bad world like yesterday, but I haven't filled my full responsibility for them yet.  So that adds additional stress.  Sigh.

But Sister Holland's message was that "God uses broken things."  In preparation for my lesson last Sunday, I used two stories of broken people that did some beautiful "unbreaking."
-- Elder Christoffersen's mother (story towards the end of this talk) - She was obviously very broken from surgery, to the point that she was on bedrest for almost a year.  How mentally broken would she feel as well?  And then another broken woman is brought to her???  And yet, she is able to still lift another life.  Really, they lifted each other.
-- Susan Easton Black and her visiting teacher - In the story told at the beginning of this talk, there are again two broken people that are able to help and care for one another in a really big way.  Her talk and the story start at about 3:40.

I guess what I'm learning is that when I'm broken, I need to understand the potential for purpose in that.  Does it make me want to work harder?  Serve more?  Rely on the Savior more?

Like President Holland talked about in the talk above, "It seems no worthy accomplishment has ever come easily for me."  [Makes me reevaluate the worthiness of my "accomplishments."]

"As you invest your time—and your convenience—in quiet, unassuming service, you will indeed find that 'he shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up' (Matthew 4:6). It may not come quickly. It probably won’t come quickly, but there is purpose in the time it takes. Cherish your spiritual burdens because God will converse with you through them and will use you to do his work if you carry them well."

And, "If for a while the harder you try the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived."

Hopefully in the end, this broken pot will have created something beautiful.

Tough Chicks

After a wild and crazy day at the zoo (where there was an attempted attack on Erin and my nephew by a baby Siamese Crocodile and the tigers were more playful than we've ever seen them), we had dinner, the two middle girls had a bath, and we pulled out a couple of library books to read.

I picked up the first one, a book called "Tough Chicks" that Carolyn had checked out. When I started to read, I quickly got the feeling that I would be getting more out of the book than they would.

Not that it isn't a light, fun story. Three baby girl chicks are born and immediately prove to not be the normal variety of chicks. They do all sorts of wild things, getting into things they aren't supposed to, doing things they shouldn't.

"Make them be good!" called the animals.
"They are good!" Mama Hen clucked.
But sometimes even she worried.

I had to chuckle at one page in particular because I'd had a similar experience today at the zoo. When we go, we always joke that they zookeepers are going to think Carolyn is one of the monkeys and try to keep her there. She will usually ask a zookeeper if she can have a monkey, and when they say no, she'll ask if she can pet one (she hasn't talked anyone into it yet). She thinks the whole place is one giant jungle gym. In several areas of the zoo they have guardrails in front of the cages that are perfect for swinging on, and she sits, hangs, flips, and sometimes flops on them. Today we went with my two sisters and their kids, and as Carolyn was swinging away on one of them, my niece, who had been told not to do that, walked over to me and said, "Isn't she supposed to stop doing that?" I didn't respond, thinking, "But she's so GOOD at it!"

In the book, one of the three chicks likes to swing off the cow's tail, and after one particularly wild swing which causes the other chicks to run for cover, Mama Hen calls to her to be careful, then adds quietly to herself, "Nice form."

When a crisis happens on the farm, they are the ones to come to the rescue and save the day.  Happily ever after and all that.

This book is a treasure. A wonderful reminder for this mom that I have good kids too. They may be wild, loud, boisterous, active, nutty, playful, and disruptive, but they are good kids. And I can't wait to see what all that craziness becomes. If I'm still sane by then.

My Maternity Clothes are Revolting

Does anyone really like wearing maternity clothes? Try as you may, they really are not very flattering. I've had comments from people telling me how cute I look, but I know it's not true. There was a time maybe, but at over 8 months pregnant I think I'm beyond the cute stage and have most definitely moved onto the "wow, you look miserable" stage. About a month ago I had someone act surprised when I told them I'm expecting. Hello, I'm not stupid.

While I'm always happy to be done with maternity clothes and move back to the real deal, this time it's different. My maternity clothes are revolting against me. I'm not sure how to take this turn of events. Can they do that? I must say that with all this belly sticking out I'm surprised I haven't created any holes in my shirts, but the pants, oh the pants. One pair is quickly wearing a hole a few inches above the knee, though I haven't figured out why or how in such a spot (it's worse now than when I took this picture).

Another pair is getting holes and runs galore in the stretchy panel.

I made some fabulous repairs, and within a week I have another gaping hole.

I'm feeling a lot more gratitude for them and all I ask them to do. More humble knowing that if they choose to totally fail me I won't have many options left, especially since I am NOT buying any more at this point. In light of all that...

Dear Maternity Pants,

I know I complain about you. I know that with 4 weeks to go I've been weighing more than I have at delivery every other time. I know that I've asked you to snuggle around me and 2.9 babies now [bought while pregnant with baby #4]. I know I keep joking that I'm going to start wearing sweats or PJs everywhere I go, but I really don't want to. I do love jeans. Yes, even if they have stretchy panels on them. I don't want to look slobby everywhere I go. Can you please please please hold together for just a few more weeks? I promise to give you a very well-deserved break after that. After all, think of all the sweetness you get to wrap that stretchy panel around.

Love,

Me

(All ready to take to the hospital - girl outfit and blankie in case it's a girl, boy outfit and blankie in case it's a boy.)

See Mom Clean

See the mom. See the tired mom. See the tired mom with the big tummy. See the dirty kitchen. Mom is cleaning and cleaning the dirty kitchen.

See the two girls. Little energetic girls. Mom sees the two girls. Mom sees the dirty floor. "Two girls can clean the dirty floor," thinks Mom.

"Here, girls. See the dirty floor. See the sponges. Clean the floor," says Mom.

"Okay Mom!" say the girls. Girls get the sponges. Girls get some water. Girls clean the floor. Mom is clever. Mom is happy! Mom keeps cleaning the kitchen.

Girls see the ultra concentrated dish soap. "Soap will make the floor more clean! Soap and bubbles will make cleaning the floor more fun!" Girls put lots of ultra concentrated dish soap in the water.

"See Mom! Cleaning is fun!"

"Yes, girls, yes. Cleaning is fun!" Mom is so clever. Mom is happy.

Girls keep scrubbing. Cleaning is fun with lots of bubbles!

"Help Mom! Lots of bubbles are hard to clean up!"

"Oh girls! Look! Look! Too much soap! Much too much soap!"

See the mom. See the mom on the floor. See the mom cleaning much too much soap and bubbles off the floor. See the mom rinsing the sponges. See the mom rinsing rags. Over and over and over again. Much too much soap!

See the girls. See the happy girls. We helped! Off to play! See the mom, rinsing and rinsing lots of soap off the floor. Silly Mommy! Mommy LOVES to clean! The same spots over and over. Lots more floor to clean. Another day.

Will mom ever learn?

Dissonance and Harmony

I bought a book at the DI a few months ago called "I Didn't Plan to be a Witch: A Guide for Frustrated Mothers Everywhere" by Linda Eyre. It's been in my car ever since for those stuck-waiting-with-nothing-to-do moments, but it's only been opened a couple of times because either I don't wait enough or I always have something to do while I wait.

I got to wait for a bit today, for Jamie and my dad to meet me for a lunch date. Since each chapter is a shortish essay on some aspect of parenting, I glanced through the table of contents, saw one on sibling rivalry, and decided that was the chapter to read. The lesson is good enough to share.

Bach was a genius at putting together chords and establishing new rules to create complex, rich music. Bach used many methods to make his compositions moving and creative, one of which as dissonance. Over and over again, through passing tons and intentional "wrong" notes, he created a brief, uneasy feeling. Most interesting of all was the relief he could make the listener feel through the resolution of the dissonance.

Bach was a master at resolving the dissonance in his music in wonderful ways--sometimes in predictable ways; other times in creative, new ways. A man known for his "well-tempered clavichord," Bach spent a lifetime establishing music as "well-tempered."

So should be our own households. I hope you have a sigh of relief as you realize that dissonance is necessary to contrast with and resolve into harmony. Dissonance actually makes life more interesting. It helps us grow and progress. The important thing is how we resolve the dissonance. If we do it right, a feeling of even more harmony results, whereas the wrong resolution can cause even greater feelings of anxiety.

Think of a recent example of dissonance in your home and decide whether the dissonance was resolved to create harmony or more dissonance.

She shares an example from her home when a daughter wanted to have a friend sleepover, and because of the previous sleepover her answer was a quick "NO." Of course her daughter was upset and complained. Though her answer was final, she had created more dissonance and decided to put herself in her daughter's shoes. Before the daughter left for school, Mrs. Eyre offered a different solution that they were both happy with, which resulted in greater "harmony" between the two of them. She continues:

Dissonance is a part of life. Whether it's only a passing note or a big, out-of-shape chord, we need to expect it, even anticipate it, and sometimes think about resolutions in advance. Other times, we just need to keep working at it until it feels right. Remember: interesting dissonance makes a greater harmony!

I'm sure it's unbelievable (cough cough) to most of you out there, but we do have our fair share of dissonance in our home. It was refreshing that she didn't give some magic trick, saying that it's possible to entirely get rid of dissonance, but instead called it a "part of life." It's even better to know that through dissonance, the harmony can be even more refreshing and beautiful.

Something to think about! It's got my mind back on those great conductors, evaluating again how I can be a better conductor.

My Parenting Lesson for the Day

I needed this today. Take a look (it's SO worth it).

Lead Like the Great Conductors

Now really, don't read on until you've watched that or you won't get most of the rest. It's 20 minutes if you just watch it straight through (took me at least an hour because I was taking crazy amounts of notes).

I love to learn about leadership. I love how leadership principles apply in so many many ways. In fact, I'm even very slowly working on a book about leadership. I have a few posts I've written about leadership that have never been posted with the book in mind. Maybe I don't want bad feedback on something that is so deep in my heart. One post even involves a great conductor I saw in person once. Maybe I'll have to share that since it's so closely related to this.

So about this particular leadership lesson from Itay Talgam. I want to lead like the greats, especially when it comes to leading my children. Unfortunately today was a Riccardo Muti kind of day. How things slide down that slope I don't know. I don't have the excuse that I was trying to tell a story as beautiful as Mozart's.

About my own mother. She's not one that most would call a great leader, but she's someone I've been trying to study and figure out for a very long time. I read something a few months ago that opened my eyes to her leadership a bit, and I wish I had written it down, but as it stands I'll have to try to find it again. I don't remember her ever being like Muti, or most of those conductors. I would put her in the category of the last Bernstein clip. I don't remember a lot of lectures or instruction from her during our growing up years (maybe she's rolling her eyes right now at my great memory), but like the orchestra, I guess we knew what was expected, how to make it great, and we did it. And she has five awesome children to show for it.

I am not that parent! And far too many days I find myself sweating by the end. Do I look at the "trombones" too much?

I don't know if I'll ever be a Berstein, but maybe I can at least make it to Kleiber.

"You have the plan in your head, you know what to do, and you become a partner to create the sound as you take the ride."

"When it's needed, the authority is there." (Poor trumpet guy!)

"He's there 100%, but not commanding, not telling what to do. Rather enjoying what the soloist is doing."

Thank goodness tomorrow is another day. There's always another concert to play. It's their story that needs to be nurtured and told, not mine. Hopefully the conductor shows up more prepared. At least they haven't fired me yet!

(For your viewing enjoyment, here's the full version of that last Bernstein clip.)

Progressing

I'm really impressed with all we've been able to accomplish this week. Tuesday and Wednesday we got amazing amounts done. Thursday we were gone most of the day so not much. Friday and Saturday not as much as the first two days, but still progress, beautiful progress. It's such a great feeling! Don't come over expecting everything to be spotless because we still most definitely live here, but I won't be nearly as anxious about people discovering what lies beneath.

Speaking of progressing, other things are progressing as well, including another secret I've been holding onto for a while. Secret for about 13 weeks actually, though the secret has been progressing for about 18. Here's a clue:

Didn't help? Maybe this...

Still no? How about this:

NUMBER SIX that is.

If from all that you still don't know what the picture below means, maybe the Motor Mouth post will help clue you in.

Ay, There’s the Rub!

At 4:30 am the night after posting that last post, I woke up thinking about another quote from L'Engle's "Circle of Quiet" (sorry folks, Madeleine is in me; plan on hearing about her for a while):

"You are basically not teaching a subject, you are teaching children. Subjects can probably be better taught by machines than by you. But if we teach our children only by machines, what will we get? Little machines. They need you, you as persons." And I quoted Emerson: "What you are speaks so loudly over your head that I cannot hear what you say."

So I know, with a sense of responsibility that hits me with a cold fist in the pit of my stomach, that what I am is going to make more difference to my own children and those I talk to and teach than anything I tell them. (156)

If my goal, then, is that my children are often coming face to face with greatness, I need to do what I can to become great. Ay, Hamlet, there IS the rub.

This reminds me of Mrs. March in Little Women telling Jo, "I must try to practice all the virtues I would have my little girls possess, for I was their example. . . The love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy."

Back to Madeleine (feel free to substitute "teacher" with "parent"):

All teachers must face the fact that they are potential points of reference. The greatest challenge a teacher has to accept is the courage to be; if we are, we make mistakes; we say too much where we should have said nothing; we do not speak where a word might have made all the difference. If we are, we will make terrible errors. Be we still have to have the courage to struggle on, trusting in our own points of reference to show us the way." (181)

(Sidenote: I LOVE everything she said about points of reference. Get the book and read the rest.)

This "become what you want your kids to become" IS NOT EASY! Mrs. March was apparently excellent enough at it that her girls didn't believe she ever had any faults. But she is a fictional character, and you and I are not. It's a comfort to read all this greatness from Madeleine, yet have her confess things like "When I scrubbed the kitchen floor, the family cheered. I couldn't make a decent pie crust. I always managed to get something red in with the white laundry in the washing machine, so that everybody wore streaky pink underwear" (21).

I know I have plenty of areas to improve, things like personal discipline, housework, consistency, not procrastinating, housework, and housework among many other things. Madeleine gives a few others to add to her list as well. "I would, quite often, like to be grown up, wise, and sophisticated. But" she adds, "these gifts are not mine" (42). That brings out something I love about Madeleine - her word choice. She is excellent at finding just the right word, and I never would have thought of those things (except maybe being wise) as gifts. But if they are, then other things I wouldn't always see as gifts are also gifts. Like maybe the ability to play!

I've been trying to wrap things up for this post off and on for a while now but it hasn't happened yet. I will have to tie things up in another post, if even then.

Motor Mouth

So there's this Bill Cosby bit where he's talking about his family. He makes the comment that he and his wife have five kids, then says, "We have five kids because we don't want six." Since we also have five kids in our family, the kids latched right onto that and quote it all the time, thinking they are so very very funny.

Today we were at the library. Carolyn is always looking for new friends, and she attached herself to another little girl and was chatting away with her. They followed the girl's mother while she looked for books in the children's section, Carolyn talking away the whole time. Just as we were gathering to leave I heard her say out of the blue, "We have five kids because we don't want six!" The mom chuckled and to me said, "That's one way to put it!" Of couse I quickly explained how something like that would pop out of my almost 5 year old's mouth.

Later, thinking of my embarrassment, I reminded Carolyn of the situation and tried to explain that we need to be careful about what we tell strangers. "That little girl and her mom were strangers?" "Well kind of, not the bad kind, but..." I knew I was attempting a conversation that would make my brain do cartwheels before she understood, if then. "Oh forget it. They were nice, weren't they?"

Dear Visitors,

If you are coming to see me, come over anytime! If you are coming to see my house, please call an hour (or two or five, depending on the day) ahead of time to warn me so I can have it prepared and ready for you. Be sure to specify whether you are going to stick to main areas of the house, or whether you plan on following my children to bedrooms when they beg to show off their toys. I die a little inside every time my children take people on unexpected tours. I promise I try to make them keep their bedrooms clean, but we didn't realize when we moved in that our house included randomly barfing closets. The erupting dressers were purchased before moving here. The under-the-bed areas that reproduce odd toys and papers then slowly ooze out have been around a while too.

If the kitchen table is messy, don't assume that I haven't cleaned it off since breakfast, even if there is still cereal on it. Children seem to think that cereal is good any time of the day, not just morning. Sometimes multiple times during the day, just out for a snack. Then again, it could be from yesterday's breakfast... This also explains why the sink is full of dishes. We will really need to time your visit right to see the sink entirely empty. Please make that reservation at least a week in advance.

If the kitchen floor isn't swept, see above paragraph. Children don't always see it necessary to eat at the table. I'm overjoyed if I can get them to stay in the kitchen! Look closer, it probably needs a good mopping too. I start twitching if I find food particles on the frontroom carpet, which I why I think the kids are always migrating their food there. Anything to jump on mom's last nerve.

If you are wondering why you can keep your house so clean and I can't, it's probably because your children have been over here playing because you didn't want the neighborhood kids messing up your house. I think "fun" is way cooler than "clean." I've also been told that children remember the "fun" more than the "clean." I'll check on that one in about 20 years. If it wasn't true, oh well, at least we had fun.

Above all else, my children live here and they outnumber me.

Sincerely,
Marni

With All Eyes on Michael Phelps...

...you can't help but see what a great woman his mom is, too. Don't you just want to give her a hug? You can tell what a wonderful, supportive family they are by watching them both.

I just read about this blog post called "Give That Mom a Medal" and wanted to pass it on.

Here's another from the NY Times on "Helping Her Son Find Gold."

Beautifully Genius

Sammy was put on prednisone just over a week ago. The doc asked if he would prefer liquid or pills, and we said either one since he's great at swallowing pills. So she went with the pills.

Unfortunately, these have been particularly difficult pills. There is no coating whatsoever, so they start dissolving pretty quick.  And according to Sammy - they taste horrible. Watching the poor kid, I believe it!  He gives a little shudder when I mention taking them. We started cutting them in half, hoping he could get them down quicker, but it didn't help at all. Just seemed to prolong the misery.

After about 4 days of taking them 3 times a day, he was strongly opposing them. I hated watching him even attempt.  So I stopped forcing him and called the doc to see if we could get the liquid. Unfortunately the whole message didn't get back and forth before the long weekend, so I didn't hear back until Tuesday.   I read up about the medication online and found a site that said drinking them down with milk or orange juice is a big help, but no, he wouldn't be talked into that.

Then the creativity wheels started turning, and genius struck. The pills don't have a coating, right? Well, I'll make one!

I melted some chocolate chips and dipped two of the pills in that, and dipped two others in Karo syrup. The chocolate was nicely set up after about 5 minutes in the freezer. I talked him into trying it (proves how bad they were when I almost couldn't get him to try chocolate pills!). He decided to try milk with it and got it down with no fuss! Hooray!


I don't know how soon he'll be able to try the Karo syrup ones. After several hours of sitting out the outside is getting drier but it is still squishy on the inside. For quick and easy, chocolate is the way to go.

If the pills get too big when you dip them, cut them in half first and then dip.

P.S. I didn't call it beautifully genius. Jamie did. :)

P.P.S. After trying both he liked the chocolate ones best, and since they were definitely the easiest we stuck with that.  Be warned - chocolate pills are tempting.  At one point a younger daughter tried one, but unfortunately she chewed it and still got the yuck.  I called poison control and they said it's a safer drug for her to try, but in the event that the same thing happens, definitely call.

The Power of Positive Speaking

I have been having some issues with one, okay two, of my children (not that the others won't bring new things up, but they usually take turns) and I was skimming through one of my parenting books looking for some inspiration. I came upon a chapter on positive reinforcement, and decided that was an area I could probably really work on. I praise my children, but there plenty of days when it's one thing after another and I wouldn't notice anything positive if it jumped out of my Cheerios. Nevermind, that would not be positive either.

I focused on one child especially for about a week, praising like crazy. We had a really good week! I felt wonderful all week, noticing positives everywhere. Our home felt wonderful. But the next week, not so good. Rather than getting positive results, I was getting shot negatives left and right in return. I got discouraged, sooooo discouraged.

Strangely enough, all these other sources on positive reinforcement started jumping out at me, like hello, you can do this!

This is something I saved recently. It's got some lists of positives we should use more and negatives we should use less.

I came across this article about a family that wanted to combat the negatives in their home and one way that they did it.

Jeffrey R. Holland addressed this topic so well during his talk on speaking with the Tongue of Angels.

"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture’s obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are 'enough.'"

My biggest worry is sounding insincere or fake. I was happy to read the "I've done it and you can too" thoughts from Nicholeen. Maybe I'll try actually keep track to see how I'm really doing.

All these "you can do it!" pats on the back were just what I needed. Jumping back on track!

Mothers

Our book club is reading "I am a Mother" by Jane Clayson Johnson this month. Nothing against Jane, but I hadn't read it before now because I worry that books like that are more fluff and back patting than anything. I already enjoy being a mother, so I really don't need anything like that.

The doctrine in this book has been exciting and wonderful. One favorite quote so far (there are many) is from Elder Neal A. Maxwell.

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?"

I wonder about the greatness and leadership and love placed in the hearts of some, and the prejudices and hatred placed in the hearts of others, guiding both to act according to the things they had been taught. Was it because of a mother?

The hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rocks the world.
--G.S. Weaver

I was going to share some disturbing quotes in the news I've read recently about how gender isn't important, but I'm not. Still, it is another testimony to me of prophets that the Proclamation on the Family was given to prepare us for things to come and that it has been taught so much since, that it declares that gender is important, and that mothers and fathers have their own divinely designated roles and responsibilites to fulfill.

Maybe I'll write more on this another day. It's already been sitting on my screen for 3 days waiting to add more, but the children keep calling, and I (usually) love to answer.

Telling Myself No

I read something a few weeks ago about telling your children "No" sometimes for things that are good for them, but the no is to make sure they are really ready for it. They were talking about kids wanting to really dive into studying, and that telling them no helps you to find out if they are really ready for it. If they forget about it after you say no, then they weren't. If they keep at you and beg and beg, then they are. This could easily be applied to something like piano lessons. Most people think it's a great thing if their children want to take piano lessons and jump at the interest. If you tell them no and they keep pestering, you know that the desire is really there and not just a whim.

In my decluttering journey I'm learning the value of telling myself no. Decluttering my bedroom really scares me. I don't entirely know why. Maybe partially because I know that to really do that, a lot of things will need to move elsewhere, but where? So then I think I need to finish the basement first. I think I'm also assuming that because they are in my bedroom I NEEEEEED them. I've had a hard time even thinking about it too much, and feel myself getting stressed when I start to consider different ideas. It stresses me even more because I know it stresses Jamie as well. So I've just tried not to think about it, figuring when I'm ready, I'll know.

Jamie left town again this morning dark and early (the sun was far from up), so I started thinking what I could work on while he's gone. I immediately thought of our bedroom, and started thinking, maybe now is the time. "No," I told myself, "it's not. I'm not ready." Immediately this feeling welled up, reminding me of my own childrens' "But Mooooooommmmmmm! I waaaannnnnttt toooo!!!!!" This is good, I thought.

I might do some minor here's and there's, but I'll keep saying no for a while if that's what happens.

Mommy Oops

What happened you ask?

Melanie has a bit of a fever and sore throat. I went to get her some medicine, shook it up, untwisted the top (but left it on), set down the bottle to get the medicine measuring thingy, picked up the bottle and (not thinking) gave it another shake... Oops. There was lots more coverage than shown in the picture. Dripping down the oven door, splashed across some clean drying dishes. You get the idea.

The thing I don't understand - if ANYONE else here had done this I would have jumped in to help them clean it up or entirely clean it up. Why is it that everyone came in to take a gander when they heard me burst out laughing, but I don't get the same???

At least my hands have a pleasant bubble gummy smell now.

Missing the Blogging Boat

So much to do, so little time.

For about a month I was waiting to share the great question, "Here we say that if March comes in like a lion it goes out like a lamb, and if it comes in like a lamb it goes out like a lion. Soooo, in the southern hemisphere do they say the same about September?"

I have all these great pictures of the kids swinging away on February 29, then the swingset covered in snow March 1.

I've been meaning to write a post about Sammy and his amazing Lego creations for a month or so. I keep adding more pictures for that one.

I want to write about how our first week of trying out household jobs went.

I've got a post in my head with pictures to go along about our past homeschooling week (it's been a fun one).

Posts with pictures are fab, but it takes more time to pull them off the camera, crop, etc.

So many things I want to be reading.

And I need to prepare a class on the Family Life merit badge for Thursday night.

Not to mention the 500 other heres and theres.

Two Recent Blog Posts That Make Me Want to Be a Better Mom

Take the time to read them. They are worth it. I promise.

One from Kerflop.

One from PortabelloPixie.