While reading a friend's blog this morning I was reminded (again!) that in seeking guidance in my life, I need to remember that God is my ultimate mentor. Sometimes that is so easy, and other times, I don't know, a little scary?
Back in September at roundtable (if you don't know, that's a monthly meeting of scout leaders in your area where you can get and give ideas, be trained, and learn with other scout leaders) I was very jokingly asked to take over the Boy Scout portion of that since the person over that realized the evening before that he had a conflict that evening for the next several months. That would mean being there every month and planning the 45 minute section specifically for the Boy Scout leaders. I very jokingly said, "Absolutely!" then told them later that there is no-way-no-how that I could fit that in my world right now. They know me, and they understood. And I put it out of my mind entirely.
Two days later Jamie and I were at the temple. While we were sitting in there, I suddenly had the thought that I could help them out for a couple months, just while they found someone else. Okay, I thought, that wouldn't be too bad. As that settled in, I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of, "You need to do this." Then ideas started coming - things we could talk about, and how I could easily share the responsibility. As soon as we got in the car I was on my phone sending the roundtable commissioner an e-mail telling her that if they still needed someone, then I'm her gal.
I guess because the feeling was so strong, it really has never been scary for me, even though there is great potential for that. Why? Picture this - little ol' me and about 30 men, every month. Once in a while a female committee member or two shows up, but normally it's me and the guys. I know a lot about scouting, but ALL of them have more experience than me since I've never delivered the scouting program to boys older than cub scout age. What am I supposed to teach them?
Even potentially scarier, the second month I did it I knew I needed to talk to them about youth protection (an online training every scout leader is required to take and every parent should take, especially if they attend an activity). It can be a sensitive topic, especially when you get into specifics of potential problems. Since the training is online, you can't ask questions or share experiences, and I really felt like we needed to do that so they would understand the policies and procedures involved with youth protection. The night before roundtable I heard from the Venture roundtable leader that his plans had fallen through, that the Varsity group had been planning on meeting with them as well, and he asked if it would be okay if they all met with us. Sure, why not! So that already potentially scary evening turned into little ol' me and over 50 men (several came in after we passed the roll around, so it could have been more than that). The whole drive over I kept reciting "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." :) At one point the conversation got "sensitive" enough that I jokingly offered to leave so they could talk more frankly for a few minutes, then let me know when to come back. Thank goodness for a great district executive that joined in and helped me. I learned a lot myself, and I had several of the scout leaders thank me afterwards (guys, it wasn't me).
I know it was personal revelation to me from God to take this position, for whatever reason. Time has never been a problem, and the men quickly warmed up to having me there leading the group. It really has been a great experience. One of their wives told me that her husband looks forward to roundtable again, so with that bit of feedback (and the fact that they keep coming), I guess it's good for them too.
But there was another whisper that same day at the temple as well. A month later when we went again I felt good about the fact that I had started working on it, but as more time has passed my "started" really hasn't amounted to much effort. Not the kind of effort that direction from God should have. But this one is definitely uncharted territory for me. While the beginnings are easy to see, I think the unknown of taking this project further has me scared to work on it much. I guess I need to start chanting again, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind," and listen for ways that He can help me make it happen, too. Sadly, it's easier to shirk when you don't have a deadline or appointment to be to, but this is the stuff that integrity is made of. Right?
I had most of that written up before church, then during sacrament meeting today one of the speakers made a comment along the lines of, how can we be instruments in God's hands if the instrument is trying to do the instructing? Maybe in this case the instrument was deciding it didn't want to be played right now.
Thanks, friend, for the reminder this morning to have more faith and just follow. Hopefully all ya'll will be hearing more about this.