How to Prepare a Child for a Mission

(I gave this talk on March 16, 2014 in our ward.)

After getting off the phone with the Bishop, I quickly felt inadequate for this talk.  I haven't sent a missionary out, so I feel like a mom with her first baby in her arms looking around sacrament meeting, noting everything other people's kids are doing, and thinking, "My kids will never do that."  Well guess what - they will.  Since I haven't actually sent a missionary out, the things I have to say could be totally wrong, so anyone that actually has done it, don't laugh too hard at my lack of knowledge.

(I forgot about this part, but if I hadn't, this is where it would have been.)

When my brother heard I would be talking about this, he said I needed to share this advice:
-- Every Elder should know how to catch, kill, prepare, and cook various forms of waterfowl  (I wasn't actually going to say this one, maybe mentioning that they should be prepared to use their special gifts and talents in creative ways, and be willing to learn more).

-- Every Elder should be well-trained in how to perform sweet BMX-like tricks on a non-BMX bike

-- It is absolutely critical that every Elder possess the courage and adventurism necessary to eat whatever is placed in front of them -- and then ask for more.

In our stake we had a Relief Society activity a month ago, and one of the classes likened preparing for a mission like getting ready for the Olympics.  An Olympian doesn't start learning how to play the game when they are trying to get on the Olympics team.  They practice for years to get to that point.  With a mission, preparation doesn't begin 120 days out when mission papers are filed.  It needs to start years ahead of that.

This is my personal mothering battle vision.
Alma 49:8-9 - But behold, to their uttermost astonishment, they were prepared for them, in a manner which never had been known among the children of Lehi. Now they were prepared for the Lamanites, to battle after the manner of the instructions of Moroni.  And it came to pass that the Lamanites, or the Amalickiahites, were exceedingly astonished at their manner of preparation for war.

I want my children to be prepared for battle the best they can be, so personal revelation is an inherent part of that.  The things I feel are important in my family for our "astonishing" preparation might be different than the things that are important to [the missionary I was speaking with]'s family.  With personal revelation, every family here would bring in different aspects to their preparation that will make their preparation new and astonishing.  

PATTERNS

In the church we've been counseled that if we follow certain patterns, our families will be blessed.  The patterns I'm talking about are family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study.  We've heard about that plenty of times before so I'm not going to go into that.  But it does take a consistent effort, and I'll be the first to tell you it's not easy.  It's not always spiritually filling, but we keep working and we keep trying.

We had a family home evening a few weeks ago that started out really well.  Erin was in charge of the lesson, and she wanted to talk about Joseph of Egypt.  After going through the story, I was pointing out how all these terrible things happened to Joseph, but that he had faith like it says in the scriptures, "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good" (D&C 90:24).  By that point, family home evening had turned to chaos, so I ended my thoughts with, "just like I have faith that even though family home evening usually turns into this, I have faith that good things will come out of this too!"  (My poor children...)

Even though each individual effort has been less than stellar, I am seeing the fruits from the years we've been doing these.  I'm impressed with the knowledge my kids have of the scriptures, and they are gaining their own personal testimonies.

HARD THINGS

At the same stake Relief Society activity that I mentioned earlier, a video was shown with some mission advice from a couple in our stake that are serving as mission president/mission mom right now in Chili.  One of the things they suggested is that before serving a mission, young men/young women should have an experience where they've had to do something really hard to the point that they wanted to quit, but that they kept going.  When these missionaries are away from home for 1 1/2 to 2 years, they need experiences like that in their back pocket so they know they can continue through the new hard things they'll experience.

For our family, scouting has provided a lot of those activities, like camping out in the cold during a klondike, going on a backpacking trip, or a really long hike.  During Adam's first year working at scout camp, he had been hired to work in the shooting sports area and loved it, but halfway through the summer they had some people quit and he was pulled from that area and was moved to teaching First Aid.  He found out about the change on a Sunday evening, and we got a letter from him telling us about it the next Saturday (camp mail is slow).  We knew how devastating it would be for him, and we discussed going up to visit.  Before that was decided, Adam suddenly walked in the door.  We asked about the position change, and told him how bad we felt for him.  I think the question was asked, "Did you think about quitting?" because I remember him saying, "Yes, but I knew you guys would make me go back."  Besides struggling through that first week without having our "you can do it!," he continued through the rest of the summer and finished well.

ANGELS

To bring in another point on mission preparation, let's talk about Alma the Younger for a minute.  This guy came from a great family, but has made his own choices and was going around with his friends "stealing away the hearts of the people, causing much dissention," and "seeking to destroy the church" (Mosiah 27:9-10).  Suddenly an angel appeared and told them to knock it off, then got him back on the right path.

I haven't seen an angel, but I am deeply grateful for the people who have been angels in my life and in the lives of my children.  Susan Tanner stated that "Everywhere there are young [people] who are in the middle of their own stories, facing dangers and hardships. ...There will be 'angels round about you, to bear you up' (D&C 84:88). They will sustain us as we carry our earthly burdens. Often in our lives, those angels are the people around us, the people who love us, those who allow themselves to be instruments in the Lord’s hands."

I know that my children have been influenced by many angels in this ward.  I've asked them here and there, who do you look up to in the ward?  Who has been an example to you?  I've told some of those people but there are many others, and I'm so grateful for the influence they've had.

Several years ago a book was written called, "It Takes a Village."  I haven't read it, but I remember many people bothered by it, even retorting that "it takes a mother."  Honestly, I'm in the "it takes a village" camp.  I know that I couldn't do it all on my own.  I have wonderful parents, but I have also had plenty of angels in my own life that have helped to make me who I am today.

(Forgot to say this paragraph and the next, but it's important...)  In the fall Adam went on a hike to Ben Lomond peak with my brother and brother-in-law.  We talk off and on about where our boys will go on missions, and many times we've said that Adam will go to Africa for different reasons.  When he got home that day, he was all over going to South America because of everything his uncles had been saying about their missions in Uruguay and Argentina.  He insists it was the food talk, but regardless, the mission excitement was passed on.

One night after YM/YW a few months ago I was waiting and waiting for my kids to get home.  Finally at 10:00pm, an hour and a half after their activities should have ended, I was uptight and decided to drive to the church to drag them home, but passed them on the way.  I beat them home, and waited while they pulled in the driveway to give them some correction on just when it was appropriate to come home.  When they climbed out of the car, Adam got a "and where have you been?"  His response - "First we played basketball for a while, then we were talking about missions with the young men's leaders there."  Of course my lecture was gone, and I sent up a silent prayer about great leaders.  I did tell them 10:00 was too late to be coming home, though, but a lot kinder than I would have.

GAIN A PERSONAL TESTIMONY

Probably the most important step in mission preparation is gaining a personal testimony so they can share that with the people there.  Unfortunately, that's not something I can cook up, serve on a platter, and consider it done.  Really, there isn't a whole lot I can do about that beyond doing these other activities and hoping they are touched by the spirit.

From Jeffrey R. Holland, "A 14-year-old boy recently said to me a little hesitantly, 'Brother Holland, I can’t say yet that I know the Church is true, but I believe it is.' I hugged that boy until his eyes bulged out. I told him with all the fervor of my soul that belief is a precious word, an even more precious act, and he need never apologize for 'only believing.' I told him that Christ Himself said, 'Be not afraid, only believe,' a phrase which, by the way, carried young Gordon B. Hinckley into the mission field...  What was once a tiny seed of belief for me has grown into the tree of life, so if your faith is a little tested in this or any season, I invite you to lean on mine."

Elder Holland is great and all--I love reading his talks myself--but he isn't someone that our children can watch and hear from all the time beyond his recorded talks.

Our children need to hear our testimonies!

We are people they can watch and learn from daily.  To realize the importance of that, check out these three examples from the Book of Mormon.

Even though Enos had a grandfather, uncle, and father that were prophets, he still needed to gain his own testimony.  While out hunting one day, he stopped to pray.  "Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forests; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart" (Enos 1:3).

Alma the Younger, also the son of a prophet, made poor choices and needed a change of heart.  When he was knocked from his astonishment at seeing an angel, everything he had been doing to destroy the church was running through his mind.  "And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world" (Alma 36:17).

We know that the stripling warriors relied on the testimonies of their mothers.  "They had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it" (Alma 56:47-48).

Maybe a huge reason for having family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study is so we will have lots of opportunities to share our testimonies with our children.  If they know we know, they can lean on our testimonies when they need to.

Hopefully in the end, even with all the mistakes I make, this end vision will come to pass.

D&C 123:17  "Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

All I can do is cheerfully do my part, follow the patterns the church has given us, seek and follow personal revelation for my family, and do what I can to help my children gain their own testimonies.  But someday I hope when I look back I will see how deeply Heavenly Father has been involved in raising our children too, through their life experiences and through the people that have influenced their lives.  And hopefully, through all that, they will be well-prepared to serve a mission.

Help Them Aim High

I taught Relief Society yesterday.  When I first got the lesson schedule I was so excited to get to discuss President Eyring's talk "Help Them Aim High" for my first lesson.  Jamie had it playing in the car shortly after general conference.  I listened for a while, taken in by all President Eyring was saying, then mentioned to Jamie that I didn't remember it, and was told it was a priesthood talk.  Lucky guys again!  I think I printed it the moment we got home so I could read and think about it, and even used it for my November visiting teaching lesson.

I love teaching.  The study is different knowing that you'll be presenting the information, and I walk into the class knowing that the insight I get from others will expand my learning even more.

The basic gist of the talk is that being individuals with individual missions to fulfill in life, we are blessed with different spiritual gifts to help us in that.  Not only do we need seek to recognize our own gifts, we need to recognize the gifts that others have, especially our children, and help them to "see, want, and believe they can achieve their full potential for service in God's kingdom."

President Eyring talks very specifically about how he did that for each of his children.  Through his other talks you can tell he's a great, caring man, but it was wonderful to see the special love and time he gives to his children and grandchildren.  A great example.

Something that was specifically brought up and clarified during the discussion was that he wasn't helping his children discover these gifts as part of their future occupation, but as ways they can bless others in service.  Seeking after those gifts will certainly strengthen who you are, though, and would bless your life in a variety of other ways, including occupation.  He never once mentions his children's occupations, but does share ways his children used their gifts in service.

Studying this has helped me to think more about how I can help my kids "aim high."  Thank goodness President Eyring says we don't have to carve to do it.  This talk reminded me of something my aunt and uncle did for their family.  Another beautiful way - no carving.  :)

I've been watching my children more, and if nothing else, pointing out to them things that I see.  I've never been given anything concrete like a height board or framed scripture from someone regarding what they see in me, but I've had a few people here and there in my life mention things they see in me, even quickly in casual conversation, that I didn't realize.  It's hard to really see yourself, though, don't you think?  Or even if I think I might have some gift, it's nice to know that someone else recognizes it too.  When I realize someone sees that in me, it's easier to focus on developing that more, which is why it's so important to recognize those things in others, especially our children.

Anyone want to discuss it more?  So many good things in there to talk about.

Bigs and Littles

Why I love having both big and little kids around:

1.  The littles have so many others to love and take care of them.  I tell my bigs often how boring their early life was.
2.  It's great practice for the bigs to help take care of the littles.  After all, we're raising future parents.
3.  By the time the bigs are having children the littles should be big enough to learn from them by helping to take care of their littles - as long as they live close enough.
4.  Littles love so easily, and bigs need that.

Several sweet sibling pics that make my heart happy.

Sammy's Ah-Ha

I started reading 10 Conversations You Need to Have With Your Children the other day.  Right off the author mentions Psalms 127 where it talks about children being arrows and happy is the man that has his quiver full.  The analogy is made that if children are the arrows, then parents are like the bow, so no matter how far the arrow has flown, the path was originally guided by the bow.  I like that.

So tonight Sammy and I were reading about George Frideric Handel, and withing the first couple of pages in that it talks about Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Handel's father DID NOT want his son to become a musician).  Sammy went to grab his scriptures to look it up, so since they are similar, I shared the Psalms 127 scripture with him.

While telling the boys good night tonight, Sammy told me he'd thought of something.  "If kids are the arrows, and the parents are the bow, Heavenly Father is like the person using them, and heaven is the target."

L.O.V.E. I.T.

I told him thank you for teaching me.  Children truly are an heritage of the Lord.

Scriptures with Children - Final Thoughts

The ultimate goal in reading the scriptures with your children is to help get the gospel into their hearts. Even if they have hundreds of scriptures memorized in their heads, if it doesn't get into their hearts it won't matter. That's why we pray before we begin - so the spirit can be there with us.

When we put on the whole armour of God we only get one weapon - the sword of truth. What sound does the sword of truth make when it's unsheathed? An unzipping noise!

From President Henry B. Eyring:

“Whether what you do is to correct or to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ, you will do it better if you remember what success will be. You are to help Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, make eternal life possible for those you serve. To do that, the Spirit must take a testimony down into their hearts. And that testimony has to lead them to choose to keep the commandments of God, whatever storms and temptations may come.

“With that in mind, the Spirit will guide you in teaching.”

Old Brother Higgins built a shelf
For the old family Bible to rest itself,
Lest a sticky finger or a grimy thumb
Might injure the delicate pages some.
He cautioned his children to touch it not,
And it rests there with never a blot,
Though the Higgins tribe was a troublesome lot.

His neighbor, Miggins, built a shelf.
"Come, children," he said, "and help yourself."
Now his book is old and ragged and worn,
With some of the choicest pages torn,
Where children have fingered, and thumbed, and read,
But of the Miggins children I've heard it said,
That each carries a Bible in his head.

Get reading!

Scriptures with Children - How We Do It

We start our scripture reading with music. We've got a stereo with a timer on it, so I set it to got off at scripture time and let the music call everyone to scriptures. It was a huge help when we started our latest push to read the scriptures almost a year and a half ago. The music reminded me on days when I wasn't thinking about it, and helped make it a habit. It also helps to set the tone, and gives the kids a couple minutes to finish what they're doing and gather. When people start getting slow, I will give a surprise reward (small treat or something) for those that show up on time.

We start with a prayer, and read together for about 20 minutes, taking turns as we go. Even the two littlest get their turn, repeating a few words at a time after me.

When we're done with our reading, we work on memorizing a scripture. Our original goal was one a month, and we were doing it so the kids could learn the Articles of Faith, but they learned those surprisingly fast working on them just a couple minutes a day, and we just kept going. In about 14 months we've learned 28 scriptures, involving about 38 verses.

I got a new perspective on our memorization a few months ago when Jamie read President Benson's vision of flooding the earth with the Book of Mormon during family home evening:

“I have a vision of thousands of missionaries going into the mission field with hundreds of passages memorized from the Book of Mormon so that they might feed the needs of a spiritually famished world."

Adam has seven years left before he turns 19. I wonder how many we'll have by then. We just finished learning the purposes of the Aaronic Priesthood, we'll do the Young Women's Theme sometime, and we keep talking about doing the Family Proclamation. So far the hardest to learn (I never got really good at it) was Alma 7:11-12. If you memorize it really well let me know the trick.

The cool thing with memorizing scriptures is that even if the kids aren't listening to anything else in church, when they hear a scripture they've memorized they'll look over at me and mouth the words. Of course I make a mental note of the scripture and what they were talking about that included it, and we can talk about it when they get home.

I'll finish this off with a few final thoughts next.

Scriptures with Children - GOALS & OPTIONS

There are a variety of goals you can work towards in reading scriptures with your children, and deciding yours will help make your scripture time more beneficial.

Do you want them to be familiar with scripture stories? Then using the scripture stories for children are fine, or jumping from story to story in the scriptures. Ask the kids what their favorites are and read them. Go in order, or don't worry about the order.

Do you want them to be able to read well from the scriptures? The language of the scriptures is definitely different. If you want them to be able to read them well, you need to have them reading in the scriptures.

Do you want to be consecutive, reading every day? If that is your goal, then what you read or how much you read might not be a factor, as long as you read something.

Do you want to finish in a certain amount of time? In August 2005 President Hinckley gave a challenge to members of the LDS church to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. If you want to set a goal with a time factor in it, figure out how much you need to read daily and run with it.

Determining your scripture reading goals is a huge help in deciding just what direction you need to take, and also helps in deciding just what you'll read. There are a variety of options really.

When the boys were very young we started with the scriptures stories books for children. We really enjoyed that time and it helped them learn the stories in the scriptures. It got to the point that I felt like they were missing out on the power of the words in the scriptures, things like "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded," so we switched to the real deal. I wish someone had told me it was okay to jump from story to story back then, because I think if we did that we would have stuck with it better. But we didn't, so it stopped being fun for the kids and we got out of the habit.

Another option is to read talks from the most recent general conference. Buy each of the kids their own copy of the conference issue of the Ensign, and choose a day or two each week to read from it.

Use your scripture reading time as an opportunity to teach them about the scriptures. Teach your children to use the topical guide and read by topic, read from the Bible dictionary, or learn the songs that teach the books of scripture in order. Some neighbors of ours are reading from the True to the Faith book and discussing it with their children.

Now that some of our kids are older and some young, I've had to do some reevaluating. We read from the scriptures together as a family in the morning. The two youngest are in and out, and don't listen to much of what we read. I finally realized that I need to start from the beginning with them too, so I've been reading to them from the scripture stories books at night. They LOVE it.

To help children be familiar with the scriptures, draw a simple picture next to the stories so they can find them on their own, like a flag next to the verses about the title of liberty, a sheep next to the story of Ammon, and a bow and arrow next to where Nephi breaks his bow.

Next: how it "looks" in our home.

Scriptures with Children - WHY?

I gave a talk last night for our Relief Society on reading scriptures with young children, getting them excited about the scriptures, etc. I thought it might be fun to share on here.

First of all, why does it even matter? Even after being diligent about this for over a year, the kids still have their whiney moments or choose to disrupt. Every so often when it gets really bad I make them chant, "We're doing this every day! We're doing this every day!" It's as much for me as it is for them, reminding myself that even though it feels like nobody wants to do this and nobody seems to care, we need to keep going.

From President Ezra Taft Benson:

“I challenge all of us to prayerfully consider steps that we can personally take to bring this new witness for Christ more fully into our own lives and into a world that so desperately needs it.

“I have a vision of homes alerted, of classes alive, and of pulpits aflame with the spirit of Book of Mormon messages.

“I have a vision of thousands of missionaries going into the mission field with hundreds of passages memorized from the Book of Mormon so that they might feed the needs of a spiritually famished world.

“I have a vision of the whole Church getting nearer to God by abiding by the precepts of the Book of Mormon.

“Indeed, I have a vision of flooding the earth with the Book of Mormon.”

From Gordon B. Hinckley:

“A week ago a conference of the young women was held in this tabernacle. It was an inspiration to look into their faces, thousands of them. One could not do so without a feeling of peace and certitude concerning the future of this work. The theme of the conference was an appeal to the young women to read the scriptures.

“I look back to my own youth. Neither young men nor young women were doing much scripture reading at that time. What a marvelous change has been wrought. A new generation is arising who are familiar with the word of the Lord.”

From Boyd K. Packer:

"The plan designed by the Father contemplates that man and woman, husband and wife, working together, fit each child individually with a shield of faith made to buckle on so firmly that it can neither be pulled off nor penetrated by those fiery darts.

“This shield of faith is not manufactured on an assembly line, only handmade in a cottage industry. Therefore our leaders press members to understand that what is most worth doing must be done at home.”

From Marion G. Romney:

"And so, I counsel you, my beloved brothers and sisters and friends everywhere, to make reading in the Book of Mormon a lifelong practice... I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to that counsel. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity - the pure love of Christ - will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness."

To be quite honest, we don't have angels singing in the background in our home, but I do feel like our children are getting their own testimonies, and that our family is blessed for our efforts.

The prophet Haggai rebuked the people with a description of scarcity, saying that the Lord had this message for them: “Now therefore thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways. Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages…put[s] it into a bag with holes. Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways” (Haggai 1:5-7).

The people had poured their efforts into projects that had not paid off. Even when it gets hard, reading the scriptures in our home is something that will pay off. It definitely takes commitment and sometimes even creativity to make it happen, but we’ve been given promises by prophets that it will be worthwhile. Doesn’t make it easy, but we do have that promise.

Hebrews 10:35-37 states “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.”

I've got a neighbor that tested the "spirit of contention will depart" promise. She told me they were having one of those night where it feels like everyone is grumpy. She finally told everyone to go grab their scriptures, it was scripture time. They moaned and groaned, but they gathered together and read a chapter. "Are we done?" she asked after each chapter. If there was any griping, they kept going. After four chapters everyone was calm again, the spirit was back, and they stopped.

Trust in the promises of the prophets, and get started!

Next - what are your scripture goals?

Because I Love Numbers

The kids and I were just out having a lovely picnic lunch this fine and beautiful day, when Carolyn (our 5 year old monkey) walked over and commenced to swing on the branches of a tree. For the 7th or 8th time.

The phone rang so I ran in the house for a minute, and before I made it back out again, I heard lots and lots of Carolyn crying. I dashed out to see what the problem was, and found Carolyn laying on the grass under the tree, a pretty decent scrape on her leg.

I carried her into the house to get a bandaid, and offered her the choice of either Big Bird or the Count. Through all her tears and sadness, one of those moments I wish I had a video camera running, she answered, "The Count, because I love numbers."

Kids rock.

To My Brother, Whom I Slept With

The other day the boys WOULD NOT STOP POKING AND PICKING ON EACH OTHER. I finally said, "Okay, if you can't get enough of touching each other, you are sleeping together to-night!" (Insert lightning and thunder clap.)

By bedtime I forgot, but after everyone was all settled for the night Melanie (little mother) reminded me. "Maaaaaaa-ooooom!" (you know, that two toned "I'm tattle-telling-about-something" Mom?) "Aren't the boys supposed to sleep together tonight?" Grumble, grumble, growl. "Okay boys, Melanie is right."

So Sammy sidled into Adam's bottom bunk and they cozied in with a head at each end. I was very surprised how little I heard from them when I left the room. Thought it would be something like unto Bill Cosby's "To My Brother Russell, Whom I Slept With," but it was surprisingly quiet. (If you haven't heard that Cosby bit and you live close, come borrow our copy. If not, find a copy.)

Morning breaks, not a complaint at all.

A few days later they decided for fun to sleep together on Sammy's top bunk. I didn't realize or I would have put a stop to it - visions of one kicking the other off the bed in the middle of the night and all that. Again, quiet boys, though Sammy said Adam kept kicking him all night long. This coming from the king of climbing into bed next to mom and kicking HER all night.

Why beds, really? A few months back I knew something had to happen with the boys' room but didn't know what. I tossed around just mattresses they could lean up against the wall in the morning, or no beds no mattresses just sleeping bags. They thought both were cool, but we ended up getting hand-me-down bunkbeds with bookshelves on each end that my brothers slept on when they were kids. The boys think they are ultra sweet because they can pile all their stuff at each end to play with when they are supposed to be sleeping. It allowed us to move a big bookshelf out of their room, so that solved at least part of the space problem.

Sammy was quite the bed escape artist when he was a baby. I guess he has always really needed me at night, because that lasted till about a year ago. I don't remember how old he was when he learned to kick his leg back and hoist himself up enough to climb out of his crib, but we attempted to foil his plans by swapping the crib for the playpen. This added a few inches height to his cage, and few days of me going to him instead of him coming to me. Or maybe it was hours? Either way, it wasn't long before he figured out that the same trick would work to get him out of the playpen. When we realized we had been beaten by a less than 1 year old, the crib mattress just went on the floor. I remember one friend telling me she had mentioned it to one of her family members as a, "See we're not as radical as they are" type of statement. I still wonder why putting my child to sleep in the playpen or on a mattress on the floor is so strange.

I found it incredibly refreshing, like another family thought it was okay to "break the rules," to hear about a family that lived in a 3 bedroom home with their seven children - mom and dad in one bedroom, two girls and the baby boy in another, and four boys in the other. She said her husband built a triple bunkbed and two of the boys shared the bottom. Cool. I don't understand why some families think it's such a great thing to split up all their children into separate bedrooms. I bet those boys have stories and stories to share about their brothers, whom they slept with.

(By the way, when I thought of triple bunkbeds I thought of one on top of the other and didn't realize there were other really cool options for triple bunks!)

Kids and Goals

I haven't been a New Year's goal person for very long. In the past I always figured that I shouldn't set a goal just because it is New Year's, that when I saw a need for change I should set the goal then. But a couple years ago I caught a bigger vision of the New Year's opportunity.

I was helping one of the kids prepare their Family Home Evening lesson the first Monday in January. We were looking for a good story about goals from the Friend magazine and happened upon this great goals chart. We printed one out for each member of the family, and that night everyone set goals for the year! The simplicity was fantastic to help the kids get the idea of goals. The topics helped us to think outside the box (although they are in boxes?) and set a good variety.

I remember one of Melanie's goals the best. She was 5 at the time and set the goal to be able to jump rope 10 jumps in a row. She had been practicing and could get a few in a row, and I knew if she could get to 10 she would quickly surpass that. The day after setting the goal, she practiced and practiced, DESPERATELY wanting to reach that goal. Within just a few days she had it, then went far beyond her goal, soon reaching 20, then 50, then 100! Later that month her kindergarten teacher told us she had never seen a kindergartener so good at jump roping. A simple goal, but a real lesson that if she could set a goal and work hard, she could achieve it. Definitely something good to learn at an early age!

I've given up on plenty of goals because of lack of planning, so likewise, if you want to help your children reach their goals, help them make a plan. Help them think about and define all the who, what, when, where, why, and how's. Help them get of vision of what they need to do to accomplish it so they will know what will be required of them. I'm grateful for my Wood Badge training and the goal setting experiences I've had through that so I can be a better mentor for my kids in this.

Since as homeschoolers we work on school goals a lot more hands-on than most, we got each of the kids a simple planner so we can keep track of monthly and weekly goals and keep a better record of all the great things we're learning. It's one of my New Year's goals to teach the kids to use those.

Last year I set a goal to make 2008 the year of decluttering. I got rid of a wonderful amount of unnecessary stuff and have been very pleased with my progress, but with so much more to do I plan on continuing that goal this year (Karen, still willing to check up on me?). My attitude change about 'stuff' has been the greatest result of all.

BTW, here's a list of questions to help think of New Year's goals.

P.S. While writing a portion of this we were watching a fun family movie called Hawmps! It's a kick and a half. "Don't mess 'em up so bad they won't hang good!" Reminiscent of some of the great old Disney comedies like The Apple Dumpling Gang and Hot Lead and Cold Feet. Watch it if you get the chance!

Shining Eyes

Thought for the day...

Besides a variety of other credentials, Benjamin Zander was the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra for 28 seasons, beginning in 1979. At one point he realized that the conductor doesn't make a sound, "he depends for his power on his ability to make other people powerful... My job was to awaken possibility in other people. And of course I wanted to find out if I was doing that. And you know how you find out? Look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you're doing it. If the eyes are not shining you get to ask a question - who am I being, that my players' eyes are not shining? We can do that with our children too. Who am I being that my children's eyes are not shining? That's a totally different world... Success is not about wealth and fame and power, it's about how many shining eyes I have around me."

A powerful measuring stick. The eyes are windows to the soul.

The Power of Play

This afternoon I (don't be surprised) watched a TED.com talk by Freeman Dyson on looking for life in the outer solar system. Before he dives into that topic he shares a few thoughts on history and then on biotechnology. He makes the statement, "As soon as computers became toys, when kids could come home and play with them, then the industry really took off." Freeman said only half jokingly that that's what they need to do with biotechnology.

I think it's key that Freeman didn't say that when schools started teaching computers they took off. When they became exciting and fun, maybe even a little off limits at times, computers took off.

Play is a powerful way to learn! I try to use playing as much as I can here at home with the kids. Melanie learned most of her math skills last year sitting next to me at the counter adding up 6 and 12 sided dice while I was working on something else. Carolyn learned all her letters in about the same way, sitting next to me at the counter where she had climbed up to talk or color while I was doing something, and I would ask, "Do you know what this letter is?" and draw it out for her. I would quit after just a few so she wouldn't get bored. After the first few were introduced, most letters were pointed out while we were cuddled up reading.

I helped Adam create a blog for himself because he wanted to write about baseball and whever else he felt like writing about. I jumped at the chance thinking, "Ah ha! Typing and writing practice!" He's had it for several months and hasn't written too much, but I just helped his friend create one too, so maybe that will get a little blog competition going.

Sammy has played with animating his Legos a bit using my camera to take the pictures then scrolling through them, but this week he went to town and has done some really cool things. To take that further, now I plan to learn about Stop-Motion Animation so we can take all these pictures from the camera and make something with them. He doesn't know that's the plan because I don't want to get him too excited until I know we can do it, but he asked about starting his own blog to show off some of his Lego creations and animations so we did it earlier today.

The kids are also teaching themselves to play the piano. Melanie used to tinker all the time on it, till one day she played a few notes and realized they were the same notes in a primary song. I helped her figure out the rest, then after she got that down, showed her some simple left hand notes to go with it. Now she plays parts of 4 or 5 songs, one that she figured out the left hand entirely on her own. Jamie got Sammy started on the Indiana Jones theme. Adam hasn't jumped on the bandwagon... yet.

Play is probably why I'm so excited to really get back to school this year. We just keep having more and more fun! Did I mention I plan on hiking the kids to Ensign Peak for the first day back to school?

The Power of Positive Speaking

I have been having some issues with one, okay two, of my children (not that the others won't bring new things up, but they usually take turns) and I was skimming through one of my parenting books looking for some inspiration. I came upon a chapter on positive reinforcement, and decided that was an area I could probably really work on. I praise my children, but there plenty of days when it's one thing after another and I wouldn't notice anything positive if it jumped out of my Cheerios. Nevermind, that would not be positive either.

I focused on one child especially for about a week, praising like crazy. We had a really good week! I felt wonderful all week, noticing positives everywhere. Our home felt wonderful. But the next week, not so good. Rather than getting positive results, I was getting shot negatives left and right in return. I got discouraged, sooooo discouraged.

Strangely enough, all these other sources on positive reinforcement started jumping out at me, like hello, you can do this!

This is something I saved recently. It's got some lists of positives we should use more and negatives we should use less.

I came across this article about a family that wanted to combat the negatives in their home and one way that they did it.

Jeffrey R. Holland addressed this topic so well during his talk on speaking with the Tongue of Angels.

"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture’s obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are 'enough.'"

My biggest worry is sounding insincere or fake. I was happy to read the "I've done it and you can too" thoughts from Nicholeen. Maybe I'll try actually keep track to see how I'm really doing.

All these "you can do it!" pats on the back were just what I needed. Jumping back on track!

Perfect Post for Easter

You have to read this.

'Nuff said.

Book Review - Country Bunny and the Little Golden Shoes

I learned about this wonderful story while reading this book (thanks Lara for posting about it). I'm so happy our library had a copy!

"The Country Bunny and the Little Golden Shoes" (written in 1939) is about a little country bunny who wants to be one of the five Easter Bunnies someday. Low and behold, she ends up with 21 children, which means a lot to take care of. She realizes that she can't do it all alone and be the Easter Bunny, so she teaches her children how to help around the home so she could fulfill her dream. When her chance comes, originally she is told she can't because of all her responsibilities at home, but she explains all the things her children can take care of on their own, and she is given a chance. Of course she is wonderful at it, and she returns home to find the house entirely in order.

It is one of the most beautiful and enchanting stories I've read, and it is definitely one that will be joining our home bookshelf before long. I thoroughly enjoyed it as a lesson to me, that I need to allow my children more opportunities to grow and learn by teaching them how to help take care of our home. The kids loved the story as well, and after reading it together it was an easy sell to get them to sign up for things they would like to be assigned to do here at home.

I thought it was quite interesting that a review on the book cover calls it a feminist book, and another says she "managed to realize her ambition in spite of her twenty-one children." I don't see it that way at all! She embraced her role as a mother, teaching and training her children to be self-sufficient while she fulfilled her dream one night a year. She became the Easter Bunny because of her children, not in spite of them.

Run out and find this one. It's a keeper!

* Here is more from Lara and Talk about Tuesday. *

Bedtime Woes

I don't know if you've gathered it or not from some of my past posts, but I love reading to my kids. I just discovered a wonderful book I plan on writing a review about (sorry to keep you in suspense, but you don't even get the title yet, and no it's not anywhere else on here). I love discovering new gems like that and sharing the stories and lessons they hold for us.

I've been reading "Holes" with the boys. I've read it before, but the three of us are deep into it. The chapters are short, making it very easy to get sucked into the "One more chapter, PLEEEEASE!!!" Especially when I want to keep going with it too!

Last night we read for over 1/2 hour past their bedtime, but of course they can't jump their little hineys into bed as soon as we're done, even if they are already pajammered and brushed, so by the time lights were off it was at least 45 minutes past bedtime. And boy, did I pay for it this morning. I don't think I heard one kind word from either all morning. Sammy especially doesn't do well on less than normal sleep, and since we were in the getting-read-for-church rush it made it all the worse.

Tonight I said they had to be jammered and brushed AND on their beds before I started reading, and that I was going to quit 10 minutes before actual bedtime in case there was anything extra they needed to get up for after we were done. When everyone was ready and we could finally get going, we had 7 minutes to read (we watched a movie tonight that finished just after 8:00, so getting the girls ready for bed pushed back them getting ready). We had one longer chapter that actually took us 8 minutes to read, so when I was done with it I closed the book and got them settled in.

While Sammy was getting ready I told Adam that I love reading together even more than they do, and that it makes my heart hurt to have to cut the time so drastically, but that no way no how am I going to have them up if it means that I get punished the next morning the way I did today. I don't mean this to be a whiney post, but a lesson hopefully finally learned. We've run this cycle before here and there. Maybe I've got it now.

Even if I do hate it.

I feel like I'm the one the law is being laid down for. That stinks.

Lazy on Decluttering and Working

I have been reading Lara's blog for quite a while, and was pleased to meet her at a homeschool roller skating day we went to last month (Carolyn is on the right in the cute cute picture, she chose the layering look). But I just found a post she wrote on decluttering the kids' rooms that goes along with mine two posts ago.

Here's another great post with links to different points on teaching your kids to work. And her most recent on the same topic, talking about the responsibilities her kids have.

Lara also posted on this great book that I really really want to read.

This is all fabulous information to share, but so you all know, my main reason in posting it here is so that I can easily find it all. :)

Now THAT'S Decluttering!

Late last night I was reading some information by Rachel DeMille about Thomas Jefferson Education, a homeschooling philosophy, and how she applies it in their home. I found this quote that totally sums up why I'm tossing.

"One of the biggest drains on my time and energy that otherwise would go to educating myself and mentoring my children is caring for the family's possessions."

YES! How many times have I been cleaning up after the mob, wishing I could be reading a book or playing a game with them instead?

She goes on, talking about how once a month they have a "systematic purge" to clear non-essentials - unused clothing, toys, and anything that doesn't have a "good place" or is hard for the children to take care of.

The once a month would definitely be an upgrade from the once every ... years it now happens (we're drastically improving!), but what REALLY amazed me is how she continues.

"I have a friend who simply made a list of "keepers" off the top of her head and left it for her husband's reference. She asked him to carry everything else away while she and the children were gone, so that neither she nor they could change their minds about anything. The kids now have a large shoebox full of toys. They have little difficulty caring for their things. Their imaginative play has not suffered with the lack of the things they used to have. And lap-time has improved in quality now that she doesn't feel guilty about the pickup she's not doing. The house doesn't need it anymore."

WOW. Don't know how happy the kids would be for that, but their rooms would feel a lot nicer. And to go further, applying that, even if not quite so drastically to every other area in the home.... This one is going to have me thinking for a while. I already recognize that it's harder to toss when you are looking at the items, so to stand outside a closet for example, write down what's important in there and let someone (or yourself if you've got the willpower) toss the rest? Hmmmm... It is an entirely different way to look at the job if you're thinking about what you should keep rather than what should go.

BTW, I saw this great post last week about tossing DVD cases. I bought a case for the DVDs but haven't entirely talked myself into it yet. Jamie? :)

Two Recent Blog Posts That Make Me Want to Be a Better Mom

Take the time to read them. They are worth it. I promise.

One from Kerflop.

One from PortabelloPixie.